[General] I live near downtown...(88 words)

[Silverobama]

Hi.

I wrote a short paragraph describing my complaint to what's happening in my neighborhood. Please help me with it.

I live near downtown but it takes me half an hour to get there now; it was a five-minutes' walk. Thanks to the erecting of the fashionable shopping mall, our two main passageways to downtown were blocked and people need to make a detour to get there. What's more, the construction site works at late night, I have to sleep with the sound of digging machines. I did try to phone the reporter or municipality, but they never do anything. Maybe they will if there's someone dies. *

*: The last sentence is sarcasm intended. They will do something to improve the situation of someone dies. Now the people who want to get to the downtown need to walk on the road along with buses, taxies, and motorcycles. Maybe one day someone is run by a car then the government will do something to change it.

 

[teechar]

I wrote a short paragraph describing my complaint [1] [STRIKE] to [/STRIKE] about what's happening in my neighborhood. Please help me with it.

I live near downtown, but it takes me half an hour to get there now; it [STRIKE]was[/STRIKE] used to be a five-minute walk. Thanks to the [STRIKE] erecting [/STRIKE] building/construction of [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] a new fashionable shopping mall, our two main [STRIKE] passageways [/STRIKE] thoroughfares to downtown were blocked and people need to make a detour now to get there. What's more, the construction [STRIKE] site works at [/STRIKE] continues late into the night, and I have to sleep with the sound of digging machines. I did try to phone the [STRIKE] reporter [/STRIKE] local newspaper or [STRIKE] municipality, [/STRIKE] (city) council, but they never do anything.

*: The last sentence is [STRIKE] sarcasm [/STRIKE] intended as sarcasm. They [STRIKE] will [/STRIKE] only (ever) do something to improve the situation [STRIKE] of [/STRIKE] if someone gets killed. [STRIKE] dies. [/STRIKE] Now the people who want to get to the downtown area need to walk, sharing [STRIKE] on [/STRIKE] the road [STRIKE] along [/STRIKE] with buses, taxis, and motorcycles. Maybe one day someone [STRIKE] is [/STRIKE] will get run over by a car, and then the government will do something [STRIKE] to change [/STRIKE] about it.

[1]: We complain to someone about something.

Maybe they will if there's someone dies.

You need to explain in your writing (just as you did in the footnote) why someone might die. Otherwise, that sentence won't make a lot of sense.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

Teechar did a great editing job. Two other things I'd do:

- Break the first sentence into two sentences. There's no advantage to using a semicolon there.

- Say you complained to the paper and the city — not the paper or the city. You complained to both, so it's and, not or.​

Your line about the city never doing anything is not sarcasm. It might be harsh or mean or snarky, but it's not sarcastic. It's a direct, straightforward criticism.

 

[teechar]

- Say you complained to the paper and the city — not the paper or the city. You complained to both, so it's and, not or.
​

Well spotted. It doesn't make sense to say you complained to the council ("city" in AmE) or the paper.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

Silver -

Sarcasm is a form of irony where you say the opposite of what you mean. For instance, if you said the people at the newspaper and city hall were "a bunch of geniuses," that's sarcasm.

My favorite sarcastic movie character is Lisa (Marisa Tomei) in the movie My Cousin Vinny. Here's a clip of the first time (and not the last!) she uses sarcasm. It's at 0:27:

CULTURAL NOTE: She's a New Yorker visiting a small town. New Yorkers love Chinese food. She doesn't expect to find any good Chinese restaurants here. She's probably right.

 

[Silverobama]

I appreciate your help, CB and teechar. It's very kind of you to spare your precious time helping me.

I live near downtown, but it takes me half an hour to get there now. It used to be a five-minute walk. Thanks to the building/construction of a new fashionable shopping mall, our two main thoroughfares to downtown were blocked and people need to make a detour now to get there. What's more, the construction continues late into the night, and I have to sleep with the sound of digging machines. I did try to phone the local newspaper and the (city) council, but they never do anything.

*: The last sentence is intended as sarcasm. They only (ever) do something to improve the situation if someone gets killed. Now the people who want to get to the downtown area need to walk, sharing the road with buses, taxis, and motorcycles. Maybe one day someone will get run over by a car, and then the government will do something about it.

The above is the new version (along with the corrected explanation). I want to write both of them down in my notebook. I still have a question. I think the highlighted "the" is needed then the whole paragraphs are okay. Am I right?

 

[tedmc]

I live near downtown, but it takes me half an hour to get there now, when it used to be a five-minute walk. Thanks to the building/construction of a new fashionable shopping mall going on, our two main thoroughfares to downtown [STRIKE]were [/STRIKE] are [STRIKE]blocked and[/STRIKE] so congested that people need to make a detour now to get there. What's more, the construction continues late into the night, and I have to sleep with the [STRIKE]sound[/STRIKE] noise of digging machines. I did try to phone the local newspaper and the (city) council, but they never [STRIKE]do[/STRIKE] did anything.

*: The last sentence is intended as sarcasm. They will only[STRIKE] (ever)[/STRIKE] do something to improve the situation if someone gets killed. Now the people who want to get to the downtown area need to walk, sharing the road with buses, taxis, and motorcycles. Maybe one day someone will get run over by a car, and only then will the government [STRIKE]will [/STRIKE]do something about it.

My shot.

 

[Tarheel]

Silver, saying you tried to phone them tells me you didn't succeed.(Instead, simply say you called them.)

If you are talking about a specific complaint say:

They didn't do anything.

Also, I suggest that you choose between building and construction.

 

[teechar]

Silverobama, there's nothing wrong with your attempt in post #6.

 

[teechar]

Thanks to the building/construction of a new fashionable shopping mall going on, our two

That's unnatural. You can put "ongoing" before "building/construction", but it's not needed. The context makes that clear.
All the other changes you made are unnecessary.

 

[Tarheel]

Silverobama, there's nothing wrong with your attempt in post #6.

If you are referring to my comments in post #9, I disagree. There is no reason to say you tried to call somebody unless you didn't succeed. Furthermore, you know that is true if you are an English teacher.

If I said I tried to walk up the hill I would be saying I didn't make it up the hill. I would not be saying I succeeded.

If I said I tried to cross the street I would be saying I didn't make it across the street.

If I said I tried to bake a cake I would be saying my attempt at baking a cake was a failure.

I have tried many things but not always succeeded.

 

[Silverobama]

thoroughfares to downtown were are blocked and so congested

I don't know if the rest changes are necessary or not, but this one is just wrong, Mr ted. I think being "congested" still implies that the place (thoroughfares) is passable, but the fact is it's not. The two doors were blocked a few days ago and now I still can't access the downtown using that thoroughfares. They were congested, yes, because there were so many people walking downtown every day, but now we can't walk there. That's why I used "make a detour", which means we need to walk out of our way to get downtown.

Silver, saying you tried to phone them tells me you didn't succeed.(Instead, simply say you called them.)

I'll write down both "try to phone" and "called them" for future reference. Both situations are likely right now. I did try to phone them, but I couldn't get through. I phoned them, but they didn't do anything.

If you are talking about a specific complaint say:

They didn't do anything.

No, not a specific one. We, my neighbors and me, try to phone the city and reporters from time to time. It's quite regular now!

Also, I suggest that you choose between building and construction.

Yes, I used a "slash" between them. This means what teechar said in his original post and in my quoted post.

 

[teechar]

If you are referring to my comments in post #9,

I wasn't. My comments were about ted's post.

There is no reason to say you tried to call somebody unless you didn't succeed.

I rest my case!

... if you are an English teacher.

I AM AN ENGLISH TEACHER, and I do not take kindly to such unwarranted remarks.

 

[tedmc]

I don't know if the rest changes are necessary or not, but this one is just wrong, Mr ted. I think being "congested" still implies that the place (thoroughfares) is passable, but the fact is it's not. The two doors were blocked a few days ago and now I still can't access the downtown using that thoroughfares. They were congested, yes, because there were so many people walking downtown every day, but now we can't walk there. That's why I used "make a detour", which means we need to walk out of our way to get downtown.

Okay, I misread your post thinking that traffic could pass through. We normally say "roads are closed (to public)" rather than "blocked". I am sure construction vehicles would still need to go through.

I would say "sound from digging machine" is unnatural. Sound is anything audible. Undesirable sound is called noise. Digging machines are called excavators.

You called the council and there was no action - they never did (not the present tense, do) anything.

I suggested the change to the last sentence (only then will they do something), which I think is more effective since you intended it to be sarcastic.

I don't doubt teechar's correction is thorough, but writing, being an art, is subjective and is matter of opinion quite often. I stand corrected and am open to criticisms.