[Essay] ...was sceptical at...

[rodgers white]

Hi everyone, are there any mistakes or repetitions in this piece of writing? Any help will be appreciated.
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Moogh and the Alpha butted their head together over and over again, the Alpha was a larger than Moogh, and Moogh backed up under the onslaught, the Alpha was confident. Yang was worried. “Dad, Moogh’s losing, we gotta do something”. Gan shook his head. “I don’t think he’s losing son, I think he’s letting the Alpha tire himself out. Look, see how he is walking back rather than being pushed”. Yang was sceptical at first then he saw it. “Yeahhh I see it, Moogh is using brain against brawn dad, just like you taught me”.
Lanhua had started working on the block of jade again with refreshed enthusiasm; she stopped for a moment and asked Weifeng a question. “Can I keep these tools”? Weifeng smiled. “If you finish the work, yes, those will be your tools”. Lanhua smiled with delight then her expression became serious again as she set back to work, Weifeng imagined having a child of her own and teaching him or her the same skills her father and mother had taught her.
Moogh’s strategy was working, the Alpha was tiring, and Moogh was now pushing the Alpha back, unchallenged, Then Moogh took a couple of swipes at the Alpha his antlers drawing blood on the body and neck of his opponent. The Alpha, no longer the Alpha, backed away, and Moogh charged, the now defeated moose retreated, and Moogh charged once more for good measure.

 

[Tarheel]

Try:

Moogh and the alpha butted heads over and over.

 

[tedmc]

Hi everyone, are there any mistakes or repetitions in this piece of writing? Any help will be appreciated.
********************************************************************
Moogh and the Alpha butted their head together over and over again, the Alpha was a larger than Moogh, and Moogh backed up under the onslaught, the Alpha was confident. Yang was worried. “Dad, Moogh’s losing, we gotta do something”. Gan shook his head. “I don’t think he’s losing son, I think he’s letting the Alpha tire himself out. Look, see how he is walking back rather than being pushed”. Yang was sceptical at first then he saw it. “Yeahhh I see it, Moogh is using brain against brawn dad, just like you taught me”.
Lanhua had started working on the block of jade again with refreshed enthusiasm; she stopped for a moment and asked Weifeng a question. “Can I keep these tools”? Weifeng smiled. “If you finish the work, yes, those will be your tools”. Lanhua smiled with delight then her expression became serious again as she set back to work, Weifeng imagined having a child of her own and teaching him or her the same skills her father and mother had taught her.
Moogh’s strategy was working, the Alpha was tiring, and Moogh was now pushing the Alpha back, unchallenged, Then Moogh took a couple of swipes at the Alpha his antlers drawing blood on the body and neck of his opponent. The Alpha, no longer the Alpha, backed away, and Moogh charged, the now defeated moose retreated, and Moogh charged once more for good measure.

You have the same problem of comma splice repeated in the above.

 

[Tarheel]

Try:

Please point put out the mistakes and offer corrections.

It needs a couple of line breaks.

 

[rodgers white]

Moogh and the Alpha butted their head together over and over again. The Alpha was a larger than Moogh, and Moogh backed up under the onslaught; the Alpha was confident. Yang was worried. “Dad, Moogh’s losing. We gotta do something”. Gan shook his head. “I don’t think he’s losing son. I think he’s letting the Alpha tire himself out. Look, see how he is walking back rather than being pushed”. Yang was sceptical at first, then he saw it. “Yeahhh I see it, Moogh is using brain against brawn dad, just like you taught me”.
Lanhua had started working on the block of jade again with refreshed enthusiasm; she stopped for a moment and asked Weifeng a question. “Can I keep these tools”? Weifeng smiled. “If you finish the work, yes, those will be your tools”. Lanhua smiled with delight, then her expression became serious again as she set back to work.Weifeng imagined having a child of her own and teaching him or her the same skills her father and mother had taught her.
Moogh’s strategy was working; the Alpha was tiring, and Moogh was now pushing the Alpha back, unchallenged, Then Moogh took a couple of swipes at the Alpha his antlers drawing blood on the body and neck of his opponent. The Alpha, no longer the Alpha, backed away, and Moogh charged; the now defeated moose retreated, and Moogh charged once more for good measure.

Thank you for reminding me. What about the else?

 

[Tarheel]

Two things. One, do you plan to make any changes to the text? Two, do you mean " What about the rest?"?

 

[rodgers white]

Thanks for your help. I don't plan to make any changes to the text; I just want you guys to help check and see if there is any mistake in it. Of course, I mean, if you have a better way or more authentic way to express something, please don't hestitate to do that; I really appreciate your thoughts.

 

[Tarheel]

Why should we make suggestions if you don't want to make changes?

 

[rodgers white]

I mean I don‘t want to change the content.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

Hi everyone, are there any mistakes or repetitions in this piece of writing? Any help will be appreciated.
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Moogh and the alpha butted their heads together over and over [STRIKE]again[/STRIKE]. The alpha was a larger than Moogh, and Moogh backed up under the onslaught. The alpha was confident. Yang was worried. “Dad, Moogh’s losing. We gotta do something”.

[A new speaker needs a new paragraph:]
Gan shook his head. “I don’t think he’s losing son. I think he’s letting the alpha tire himself out. Look, see how he is walking back rather than being pushed?”

[Again, different speaker, new paragraph:]
Yang was sceptical at first, then he saw it. “Yeah, I see it. Moogh is using brain against brawn, dad, just like you taught me”.

[A new paragraph needs an indent or a space break.]
Lanhua had started working on the block of jade again with refreshed enthusiasm. She stopped for a moment and asked Weifeng a question. “Can I keep these tools?"

[Different speaker, new paragraph.]
Weifeng smiled. “If you finish the work, yes, those will be your tools”. Lanhua smiled with delight, then her expression became serious again as she set back to work. Weifeng imagined having a child of her own and teaching him or her the same skills her father and mother had taught her.

[Again, new paragraph.]
Moogh’s strategy was working. The alpha was tiring, and Moogh was now pushing the Alpha back, unchallenged. Then Moogh took a couple of swipes at the alpha, his antlers drawing blood on the body and neck of his opponent. The alpha, no longer the alpha, backed away, and Moogh charged. The now-defeated moose retreated, and Moogh charged once more for good measure.

1. Each person quoted gets a separate paragraph. Only put more than one quote in a paragraph if it's the same speaker.

2. Separate paragraphs either with indents or space breaks. (Not both.)

3. Do not separate sentences with commas. Use periods, question marks, or exclamation points ONLY!

4. Only capitalize alpha if it's an Alfa Romeo:

 

[Tarheel]

I hope you appreciate Charlie's help (post #10). But I am skeptical.

I noticed that you pretty much ignored my earlier suggestions in a different thread.

There are numerous corrections/suggestions in Charlie's post. I hope you remember some of them and use them.

 

[rodgers white]

I am sorry if you feel that way. It's not easy for us to apply what we know to what we write. It needs a process. I don't mean to find myself an excuse. I just want to say we all need patience. I still remember that Teechar - a really good teacher here I think- inspires me so much; He raises me up to more than I can be. Thank you any way.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

I am sorry [STRIKE]if[/STRIKE] you feel that way. It's not easy for us to apply what we know to what we write. It needs a process. I don't mean to make excuses. I just want to say we all need patience. I still remember that Teechar - a really good teacher here I think- inspires me so much. He raises me up to more than I can be. Thank you, anyway.

Don't worry. Just keep practicing. English is complicated. Some things are very hard to learn — grammar, vocabulary, punctuation, natural usage.

But some are easy. It's easy to avoid run-on sentences. Make the period your friend!