Sasha was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen.

Status
Not open for further replies.

alpacinou

Key Member
Joined
Sep 30, 2019
Member Type
Interested in Language
Native Language
Persian
Home Country
Iran
Current Location
Iran
Is this correct and natural?

Sasha was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. He stared into her deep blue eyes, feeling that his love for Tiffany was being lost in Sasha's eyes.

I think it needs work. Any suggestions?
 

Charlie Bernstein

VIP Member
Joined
Jan 28, 2009
Member Type
Other
Native Language
English
Home Country
United States
Current Location
United States
My suggestion: Just say eyes once.
 

alpacinou

Key Member
Joined
Sep 30, 2019
Member Type
Interested in Language
Native Language
Persian
Home Country
Iran
Current Location
Iran
Is this okay?

Sasha was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. He stared into her deep blue eyes, feeling that his love for Tiffany was being lost in them.
 

alpacinou

Key Member
Joined
Sep 30, 2019
Member Type
Interested in Language
Native Language
Persian
Home Country
Iran
Current Location
Iran
Is it too much to use "melt"?

Sasha was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. He stared into her deep blue eyes, feeling that his love for Tiffany was being melted in them.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top