[Essay] ...leaned in close to...

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rodgers white

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Hi there. Would you please proofread the following text? Any help would be appreciated.

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Lanhua was at the market the following morning with her mother and saw Weihu with a couple of his friends, Jingying noticed Lanhua notice him. “So that’s Weihu? He’s quite handsome.”

Lanhua waved her hand frantically, at her mother, and then whispered. “Not so loud Mother, but yes, that’s him.” Then she asked, “Do you really think he’s handsome?”

Jingying, for a moment, felt like a teenager. “Yes, he is.” Jingying leaned in close to her ear. “…but, don’t tell your father.” Both of them giggled softly.

Jingying steered their direction to pass by Weihu, his friends were moving on from the stall, but he lingered a moment. As the distance between them narrowed, they smiled at each other. Jingying, who had been pretending not to notice, turned, and said, “Good morning, Weihu, nice to see you.”

Weihu wasn’t sure what to do, but his parents had taught him to be polite. “Good morning, Aunty.” He said with a slightly shaky voice.

Lanhua was now obligated to offer her own greeting. “It’s a lovely day for bartering.”

Weihu replied. “Yes, Lanhua, it is. I hope you both enjoy the day and make many good bargains.”

Later, on the way home, Lanhua was quiet; she wasn’t sure what to say to her mother. She wanted to both, blame and thank her.

Jingying said, “Well, he can do more than just smile”. Then softly, she said, “Now it should be a little easier to speak with him in the future, honey. If you want to, that is.”
 

tedmc

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Hi there. Would you please proofread the following text? Any help would be appreciated.

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Lanhua was at the market the following morning with her mother and saw Weihu with a couple of his friends. Jingying noticed Lanhua [STRIKE]notice [/STRIKE](look at) him. “So that’s Weihu? He’s quite handsome.”

Lanhua waved her hand frantically (no comma) at her mother, and then whispered. “Not so loud Mother, but yes, that’s him.” Then she asked, “Do you really think he’s handsome?”

Jingying, for a moment, felt like a teenager. “Yes, he is.” Jingying leaned in close to her ear. “…but, don’t tell your father.” Both of them giggled softly.

Jingying steered their direction to pass by Weihu, while his friends were moving on from the stall, but he lingered for a moment. As the distance between them narrowed (they got closer), they smiled at each other. Jingying, who had been pretending not to notice, turned, and said, “Good morning, Weihu. Nice to see you.”

Weihu wasn’t sure what to do, but his parents had taught him to be polite. “Good morning, Aunty.” He said with a slightly shaky voice.

Lanhua was now obligated to offer her own greeting. “It’s a lovely day for bartering.”

Weihu replied. “Yes, Lanhua, it is. I hope you both enjoy the day and make (get) many good bargains.”

Later, on the way home, Lanhua was quiet; she wasn’t sure what to say to her mother. She wanted to both (no comma) blame and thank her.

Jingying said, “Well, he can do more than just smile”. Then softly, she said, “Now it should be a little easier to speak with him in the future, honey. If you want to, that is.”
.
 

Tdol

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Jingying steered their direction to pass by Weihu

Any thoughts on an alternative phrasing here?
 

Charlie Bernstein

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Any thoughts on an alternative phrasing here?
Jingying steered around Weihu.

I'll also point out that "...but" is wrong. The elipsis doesn't make sense there. It should be "But."
 

Tarheel

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Perhaps:

Lanhua now felt obliged to offer her own greeting.

What did she want to blame her mother for?
 

rodgers white

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Perhaps:

Lanhua now felt obliged to offer her own greeting.

What did she want to blame her mother for?

Lanhua felt a bit embarrassed when her mother talked about the boy who liked her in a loud voice at the market, especially the boy and his friends just standing nearby.
 

Tarheel

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Lanhua felt a bit embarrassed when her mother talked about the boy who liked her in a loud voice at the market, especially with the boy and his friends [STRIKE]just[/STRIKE] standing nearby.

OK.
 
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