I was driving on a winding road

[alpacinou]

Is this correct and natural?

I was driving on a winding road flanked by mountains and a serpentine river on the right. From the gray heavens came down a powdery snow, coating the slopes of the mountains.
The road was dusted with the crystalline flakes the sky was splashing.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

Is this correct and natural?

I was driving on a winding road flanked by mountains and a serpentine river on the right. From the gray heavens came down a powdery snow, coating the slopes of the mountains.
The road was dusted with the crystalline flakes the sky was splashing.

Does "on the right" matter? It would if something were happening on the left. Only you know!

We'd usually order the second sentence differently:

- From the gray heavens a powdery snow came down.
- A powdery snow came down from the gray heavens.

But your order is more interesting. As long as you know it's unorthodox and like it that way, keep it.

That "splashing" is the only big worry. Snow doesn't splash, especially not powder. What other verbs can you think of?

 

[alpacinou]

Does "on the right" matter? It would if something were happening on the left. Only you know!

We'd usually order the second sentence differently:

- From the gray heavens a powdery snow came down.
- A powdery snow came down from the gray heavens.

But your order is more interesting. As long as you know it's unorthodox and like it that way, keep it.

That "splashing" is the only big worry. Snow doesn't splash, especially not powder. What other verbs can you think of?

Thank you Charlie.

Can I use "spray" instead of "splash"? What about "shed" or "sprinkle"?

 

[jutfrank]

The road was dusted with the crystalline flakes the sky was splashing.

I don't like the bold part here. By using the active voice, you're asking the reader to turn his imagination from the snow settled on the ground back up to the snow falling from the sky. I think you need to stay there on the ground to complete this image. To do this, try changing the bold part into the passive voice, which you've already used in the first clause of the sentence (was dusted).

Also, change the verb splash, as Charlie has already suggested.

 

[Tarheel]

Is this correct and natural?

I was driving on a winding road flanked by mountains on the left and a serpentine river on the right. From the gray heavens came down a powdery snow, coating the slopes of the mountains.
The road was dusted with newly fallen snow.

My suggestions.

 

[alpacinou]

Can I use "spray" "sprinkle" or "shed" for snow?

I understand that passive is better but would it work to say "the sky was spraying the mountains with a powdery snow"?

 

[jutfrank]

I have to assume you know what the word spray means. Do you really think that when it snows, it seems like the sky is spraying?

What's the first thing you think of when you hear the word spray? What would you say constitutes the core sense of the word?

 

[alpacinou]

I have to assume you know what the word spray means. Do you really think that when it snows, it seems like the sky is spraying?

What's the first thing you think of when you hear the word spray? What would you say constitutes the core sense of the word?

Now that I think about it, it doesn't work. What about "sprinkle"?

 

[Tarheel]

We do use the word "sprinkle" sometimes to refer to rain. I've never heard it used to refer to snow however. That's probably because people don't think of snow the same way they do rain.