[Essay] ...get that cheekiness...

Status
Not open for further replies.

rodgers white

Senior Member
Joined
Jan 17, 2016
Member Type
English Teacher
Native Language
Chinese
Home Country
China
Current Location
China
Hi there. Would you please proofread the following text? Any help would be appreciated.

*************************************************************************************************
Yang looked from Rui to Meili and back. “Where did she get that cheekiness from? Surely you didn’t include it as part of her programming?”
Meili jumped in. “I picked it up from you two, it’s an anomalous family trait.”
Rui said, “It seems to be your fault, father.”
Gan said, “Yep, I get it, but ‘anomalous’ she got from you.”

After descending the mountain and returning to the cave, Gan let everyone know that they’d be leaving early tomorrow morning.
Jingying said, “Are you sure that’s what you want to do, honey?”
Gan replied, “No, it’s not, but I realised that if I found my father alive, as I hoped, that I’d be hard-pressed to leave him behind a second time, and staying is not an option. I’d miss the kids too much.”
Jingying nodded her head knowingly. “So you solved a dilemma by introducing a third unacceptable variable, creating a trilemma that could only be solved by adhering to the premise that you can’t leave your kids.”
Gan smiled. “Yep, you get it, but is ‘trilemma’ a real word?”
Jingying said, “You don’t think I’d make it up, do you?”
Gan just smiled and hugged her tighter.


 
Last edited:

Tdol

No Longer With Us (RIP)
Staff member
Joined
Nov 13, 2002
Native Language
British English
Home Country
UK
Current Location
Japan
I'd move the punctuation inside the inverted commas/speech marks. Otherwise, I think it's rather lovely writing.
 

rodgers white

Senior Member
Joined
Jan 17, 2016
Member Type
English Teacher
Native Language
Chinese
Home Country
China
Current Location
China
I'd move the punctuation inside the inverted commas/speech marks. Otherwise, I think it's rather lovely writing.

Thank you, Tdol. I moved those punctuation inside.
 

Tarheel

VIP Member
Joined
Jun 16, 2014
Member Type
Interested in Language
Native Language
American English
Home Country
United States
Current Location
United States
I'd say:

Gam let everyone know they'd be leaving early the next morning.
 

Charlie Bernstein

VIP Member
Joined
Jan 28, 2009
Member Type
Other
Native Language
English
Home Country
United States
Current Location
United States
Hi there. Would you please proofread the following text? Any help would be appreciated.

*************************************************************************************************
Yang looked from Rui to Meili and back. “Where did she get that cheekiness from? Surely you didn’t include it as part of her programming?”
Meili jumped in. “I picked it up from you two. It’s an anomalous family trait.”
Rui said, “It seems to be your fault, Father.”
Gan said, “Yep, I get it, but ‘anomalous’ she got from you.”

After descending the mountain and returning to the cave, Gan let everyone know that they’d be leaving early tomorrow morning.

Jingying said, “Are you sure that’s what you want to do, honey?”

Gan replied, “No, it’s not, but I realised that if I found my father alive, as I hoped, that I’d be hard-pressed to leave him behind a second time, and staying is not an option. I’d miss the kids too much.”

Jingying nodded her head knowingly. “So you solved a dilemma by introducing a third unacceptable variable, creating a trilemma that could only be solved by adhering to the premise that you can’t leave your kids.”

Gan smiled. “Yep, you get it, but is ‘trilemma’ a real word?”

Jingying said, “You don’t think I’d make it up, do you?”

Gan just smiled and hugged her tighter.
I like trilemma.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top