A shoe

[chunchuntthn]

Could you please give me some feedbacks.

A shoe​

A train was running very quickly towards the city while Mark was standing against the window of the train. He was talking with his friends. Unfortunately, one of his shoes dropped out of the train. They are a bit expensive. He just bought it yesterday. Suddenly, he threw the other shoe out of the window. Everyone around him was amazed. He explained to everyone “For me, a shoe is no longer valuable and that is useful if anyone pick a pair of shoes up”.

 

[Raymott]

Could you please give me some feedbacks.

A shoe​

A train was running very quickly towards the city while Mark was standing against the window of the train. He was talking with his friends. Unfortunately, one of his shoes dropped out of the train. They are a bit expensive. He just bought it yesterday. Suddenly, he threw the other shoe out of the window. Everyone around him was amazed. He explained to everyone “For me, a shoe is no longer valuable and that is useful if anyone pick a pair of shoes up”.

"Mark was standing against the window of the train as it was travelling very quickly towards the city."
"The train was travelling very quickly towards the city as Mark was standing against one of its windows."
Your first sentence displays hypercorrectness in identifying the train with the indefinite article at the beginning, and then using the definite article at the end. It doesn't sound right. In fact, you can (and should) use the definite article here, since you are defining it in the same sentence (it's the train in which Mark is travelling). That's quite OK in a paragraph that is going on to talk about the train.

"Unfortunately, one of his expensive shoes, which he had only bought the day before, dropped out of the train."
(What universe is this happening in?)
"Suddenly, he threw the other shoe out of the window. Everyone around him was amazed." Fine.
He explained to everyone “For me, the shoe was no longer worth anything, but it would be useful for anyone who found the first shoe."

 

[emsr2d2]

I don't think things "drop out of a train". His shoe perhaps fell out of the window. (I can't imagine how that could happen.)

 

[Tdol]

The shoe could fall out through an open door, but on most trains I have travelled on the windows are too high for shoes to fall out.

 

[Raymott]

And if he bought them yesterday, why is he still carrying them around? "Unfortunately, one of his shoes ..." would almost invariably be taken to mean "one of the shoes he was wearing".

"He was carrying an expensive pair of shoes which he had bought that morning. Unfortunately, he leaned too close to the window and one of his new shoes fell out of the train."

 

[chunchuntthn]

I don't think things "drop out of a train". His shoe perhaps fell out of the window. (I can't imagine how that could happen.)

1. Could you show me the difference between “drop out of” and “fall out of “?
2. Could I use “run” instead of “travel”?

 

[chunchuntthn]

"Mark was standing against the window of the train as it was travelling very quickly towards the city."
"The train was travelling very quickly towards the city as Mark was standing against one of its windows."
Your first sentence displays hypercorrectness in identifying the train with the indefinite article at the beginning, and then using the definite article at the end. It doesn't sound right. In fact, you can (and should) use the definite article here, since you are defining it in the same sentence (it's the train in which Mark is travelling). That's quite OK in a paragraph that is going on to talk about the train.

Raymott. Do your feedbacks refer to two sentences “Mark was standing against the window of the train…..The train was travelling….one of its windows”?

 

[emsr2d2]

I think part of the problem here is that people don't tend to "stand against a window" on a train. They might lean against a window or a door (sometimes the door also has a window).

I have some questions:

Is the window part of a door or is it just a window?
Is it at head-height or waist-height?
Is it open or closed?
Why is his shoe anywhere near the window?

There simply isn't enough information for us to really imagine the scene and try to give a natural description of what's happening.

 

[chunchuntthn]

Hi emsr2d2.
In Vietnam, the train has got a lot of windows and doors and they are just windows or doors. When the train runs the window is sometimes open.
(a train in somewhere in Vietnam)
In the conversation with his friends. Maybe, he took one of his shoes up and showed off a pair of new shoes to them. Unfortunately, he stood too close the window and one of his new shoes fell out of the train.

 

[emsr2d2]

OK, with your extra context about him taking off one shoe to show to a friend, it's clearer. You need to say "He [accidentally] dropped one of his shoes out the window". We usually use "fall out" for things that weren't attached to someone just before the falling took place. For example, "My friend leant too hard on the door, it flew open, and he fell out of the train!"

 

[chunchuntthn]

This is my rewrite​

Mark was standing against the window of the train when it was travelling very quickly towards the city. He was carrying an expensive pair of shoes which he had brought that morning. Unfortunately, One of his shoes dropped out of the window as he took off and show it off to his friends. Suddenly, he threw the other shoe out of the window. Everyone around him was amazed. He explained to everyone “For me, the shoe was no longer worth anything, but it would be useful for anyone who found the first shoe."

 

[emsr2d2]

This is my rewrite.


Mark was standing against the window of [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] a train [STRIKE]when it was[/STRIKE] travelling very quickly towards the city. He was carrying an expensive pair of shoes which he had [STRIKE]brought[/STRIKE] bought that morning. Unfortunately, one of his shoes dropped out of the window as he took it off [STRIKE]and[/STRIKE] to show it [STRIKE]off[/STRIKE] to his friends. Suddenly, he threw the other shoe out of the window. Everyone around him was amazed. He explained [STRIKE]to everyone[/STRIKE] “For me, the shoe was no longer worth anything, but it would be useful for anyone who found the first shoe."

Note my corrections in red above. "Brought" is the past form of "bring". You needed "bought" which is the past form of "buy".
There is a lack of consistency between the parts I have marked in blue and underlined. You start by saying he is carrying the shoes but then say he takes one of them off. If he's carrying them, he can't take them off. You either need "was wearing" and "took it off" or "carrying" and something like "took it out of the bag/box to show it to his friends" or simply "as he showed it to his friends".

I would use "... one of his shoes fell out of the window ..." or "Unfortunately, he dropped one of the shoes out the window ..."

 

[chunchuntthn]

Mark was standing against the window of a train (May I use “when it was”?) travelling (May I use “running” instead of “travelling”?) very quickly towards the city. He was carrying an expensive pair of shoes which he had bought that morning. Unfortunately, one of his shoes dropped out of the window as he took it out of the box to show it to his friends. Suddenly, he threw the other shoe out of the window. Everyone around him was amazed. He explained “For me, the shoe was no longer worth anything, but it would be useful for anyone who found the first shoe”

I confused between “carry” and “wear”. I thought the verb “carry” was the same meaning with “wear”.

 

[Raymott]

I confused between “carry” and “wear”. I thought the verb “carry” was the same meaning with “wear”.

And after you checked a dictionary or three?