[Grammar] Arriving with the drinks at the table.

[Nikitus]

Hello.

Are the following sentences grammatically correct?

"Arriving with the drinks at the table, she observed her friend submerged in her thoughts, with her mind totally focused on the meeting that would hold in a long time. That is why she tried to get her out of that state of mind so she could relax."


Thanks.

 

[Raymott]

I'd start with "Arriving at the table with drinks, ...". I would then finish the sentence after 'thoughts' and start a new one.
It's not a good idea to change the point of view like this. The focus begins on 'she', and then moves to the internal thoughts of the other 'she'. How does the first woman know what the second is wondering about? This is not natural writing. Even with a totally omniscient narrator, you'd need to start a new sentence to focalise on the second woman.
"meeting that would hold in a long time". Who would hold? What does "in a long time" mean here?
Finally, "so she could relax" could refer to either woman - the mind reader or the second woman. Besides that sentence is not grammatical. You can't write "That is why I did it so I could relax."

 

[Nikitus]

Dear Raymott:

Thanks for all your help and time. You are right.

I rewrite the paragraph:

"Arriving with the drinks at the table, Cindy observed something wrong with her friend because she was behaving much more seriously than usual. Liz was submerged in her thoughts, with her mind totally focused on the meeting that she would hold with the uploader of the infamous video in thirty more minutes. In this situation, Cindy tried to get her out of that state of mind so she could relax for a while."

Thanks.

 

[Raymott]

I'd still write "Arriving at the table with the drinks ...". Apart from that, the modifications you've made are satisfactory.

 

[Tdol]

How about lost in her thoughts?