having to do with the extra trauma they have obtained due to the tremendous experiences

[dorax]

In an essay about refugees, a student wrote: 'In this way, they will be driven to isolation and having to do with the extra trauma they have obtained due to the tremendous experiences from home they can be driven to serious mental issues.' Should we change 'obtained' to 'suffered'? Is there anything else that needs to be changed?

 

[SoothingDave]

What comes before this? "In this way" refers to something.

The entire thing seems way too long. "Driven" is used twice in the same sentence.

I think the idea is something like "In this way, they will be driven to isolation. This compounds with the trauma they experienced in their home countries to potentially lead to serious mental illness."

 

[dorax]

What comes before this? "In this way" refers to something.

The entire thing seems way too long. "Driven" is used twice in the same sentence.

I think the idea is something like "In this way, they will be driven to isolation. This compounds with the trauma they experienced in their home countries to potentially lead to serious mental illness."

The previous sentences were: 'The vast majority doesn't know or speak the language of the country they've settled in. This means that they will find trouble when dealing with legal processes and will also find difficulties when searching for a job or making friends that are eager to help them.'

 

[emsr2d2]

The previous sentences were: 'The vast majority doesn't know or speak the language of the country the've settled in. This means that they will find trouble when dealing with legal processes and will also find difficulties when searching for a job or making friends that are eager to help them.'

Have you already corrected your student's errors in that paragraph?

 

[SoothingDave]

The previous sentences were: 'The vast majority doesn't know or speak the language of the country the've settled in. This means that they will find trouble when dealing with legal processes and will also find difficulties when searching for a job or making friends that are eager to help them.'

Then "in this way" isn't proper to start the next sentence. It should be something like "because of this."

The student should try writing shorter, simpler sentences.

 

[Skrej]

In an essay about refugees, a student wrote: 'In this way, they will be driven to isolation and having to do with the extra trauma they have obtained due to the tremendous experiences from home they can be driven to serious mental issues.' Should we change 'obtained' to 'suffered'? Is there anything else that needs to be changed?

There are several other more egregious errors to be concerned about before nitpicking over word choice. First of all, it's a long, run-on sentence and has some likely fragments.

If I ignore the multiple other glaring issues, 'obtained' is okay.

 

[jutfrank]

I say that 'obtained' is a poor collocation for 'trauma'. 'Suffered' is a lot better, I think.