His school sat on a low hill overlooking a plain tucked between the river and a massive animal farm.

[alpacinou]

Is this correct and natural?

His school sat on a low hill overlooking a plain tucked between the river and a massive animal farm. The bridge he would cross every day to get to school was made of worn tires and tree trunks. That day, he schemed and plotted as he crossed the bridge and plodded through the muddy plain. Low clouds hovered in the sky, and only a few diagonal strips of sunlight burned through them, sparkling on the river. Danial had learned an evil laugh from a show his father watched on TV. In his head, he did the mischievous laugh as he entered the school.

In the school yard, the smell of cow manure mingled with the aroma of the daisies that had sprouted spontaneously in the school garden. Danial found it strange that their Principle had made some of the students cut the daisies. Mr Sari was a strange man. At least the daisies made the smell of cow feces more tolerable. It was as if Mr Sari wanted the students to suffer, which was why Danial had been planning a escape from school all weekend. It was the perfect plot: he would gather his accomplices, Mosta and Maja in the corner of the school behind the third graders class. There, a crooked tree stood that reached the top of school wall.

The first break had just begun when Danial, Mosta and Maja sneaked behind the third graders class and crept towards the tree. Maja was getting cold feet but Danial gave him a pep talk about the joy of escaping the school and Mr Sari. Maja nodded and embarked on climbing the tree as Danial and Mosta cheered him on, quietly. He made it to the top of the tree like a monkey and jumped on the wall. He then crawled on the wall, found the right spot and leapt to freedom.

Mosta smiled as he heard Maja laughing on the other side. Danial gave him a leg up and he hugged the tree and pulled himself upward. He climbed, dragged himself on top of the wall and stopped. Mosta's heartbeat quickened as he looked down at the ground. He turned, gazed at Danial who nodded at him, drew a deep breath and jumped, landing on his knees. He shrieked so loudly that half the school came running towards the wall, followed by Mr Sari. Danial gulped deeply, and wondered what punishment he would receive for his ill-fated rebellion.

 

[Tarheel]

I suggest:

third grade class

Or

class of third graders

Added: The phrase "animal farm" doesn't seem natural except maybe as a title of a book.

 

[alpacinou]

I suggest:

third grade class

Or

class of third graders

Added: The phrase "animal farm" doesn't seem natural except maybe as a title of a book.

Are those the only issues?

Would it be okay to use "cow farm"?

 

[Tarheel]

I suggest:

third grade class

Or

class of third graders

Are those the only issues?

Would it be okay to use "cow farm"?

That would be a dairy farm.

Try: "The bridge he crossed every day to get to school ...."

(My tremor is bad today. So typing is hard. Sorry.)

 

[Tarheel]

Perhaps:

In his head he laughed that laugh.

Or:

He laughed in his imagination.

principal

 

[Tarheel]

Say:

In the schoolyard the smell of cow manure mingled with the scent of the daisies ...

I wouldn't use "aroma" there because that's usually used for food.

 

[Tarheel]

Try: "There stood a crooked tree that reached the top of a school wall.

Smell

The word "smell" is the most neutral. We tend to associate "odor" with unpleasant scents. We tend to associate "aroma" and "scent" with pleasant scents.

 

[Tarheel]

Perhaps:

They snuck behind the building then got on hands and knees so nobody could see them through the windows. They crept towards the tree. After they reached the tree Maja started getting cold feet.

 

[Tarheel]

Try

He climbed up the wall, found the right spot and leapt for freedom.

And:

He climbed the tree, pulled himself up into the top of the wall and then stopped. Mosta's heartb eat quickened as he looked down to the ground. He turned, looked at Daniel, who nodded to him ....

In my humble opinion, "gazed" doesn't work there at all

Finished!

 

[Rover_KE]

At least the daisies made the smell of cow feces more tolerable.

No offence, but I fear you've overestimated the ability of daises in a school garden to ameliorate the horrendous stench of fresh bovine excrement from a 'massive' dairy farm.

 

[Tdol]

massive animal farm

How about livestock farm?

 

[Tarheel]

How about livestock farm?

Is that British English?

Both of my parents grew up on a farm. (Different ones, of course.) They did have livestock, but I don't think they used anything but "farm". I am pretty sure there were chickens, cows, mules, and maybe horses.(They did grow crops too. In fact, I'm pretty sure that was the primary source of income.) A dairy farm derives the biggest part of it's income from dairy products.

 

[Barque]

Principle

Principal

a escape

an escape

the third graders class.

the third graders' classroom
More natural - the third grade classroom

There, a crooked tree stood that reached the top of school wall.

There was a crooked tree there as tall as the school wall.
There was a crooked tree there that reached to the top of the wall.
(What's a crooked tree?)

of escaping the school

escaping from the school

and embarked on climbing the tree

and started climbing the tree