Is this well written: I had an overnight stopover in Tokyo half a year ago, so I dec

[B45]

Is this well written:

I had an overnight stopover in Tokyo half a year ago, so I decided to do a quick city tour on one of those double decker buses for tourists that take you around the city in less than an hour give or take, although it was fun while it lasted, the tour definitely opened my eyes and made me want to go back and really take time to see the city for its culture, food, and modern advances.

Feel free to make any changes to make it better.

 

[tedmc]

not at teacher

I had an overnight stopover in Tokyo half a year ago, so I decided to do a quick city tour on one of those double decker buses for tourists that took you around the city in less than an hour. Although it was fun while it lasted, the tour definitely opened my eyes and made me want to go back and (really take time) spend more time to (see) experience the city for its culture, food, and (modern advances) modernities.

 

[B45]

not at teacher

I had an overnight stopover in Tokyo half a year ago, so I decided to do a quick city tour on one of those double decker buses for tourists that took you around the city in less than an hour. Although it was fun while it lasted, the tour definitely opened my eyes and made me want to go back and (really take time) spend more time to (see) experience the city for its culture, food, and (modern advances) modernities.

Thanks, but let's give the teachers a try.

I love how learners, as I am one myself, try to help other learners, but unfortunately more times than not it only causes more confusion for me.

 

[MikeNewYork]

For me, the most important change is the period/full stop after "hour" and the capitalization of "although".

 

[B45]

I had an overnight stopover in Tokyo half a year ago, so I decided to do a quick city tour on one of those double decker buses for tourists that took you around the city in less than an hour.

Shouldn't it be take instead of took? Took doesn't sound native, while take does, because those buses still exist. No?

 

[MikeNewYork]

If you used "take" it would have to be "takes". "Took" is fine. It happened in the past.

 

[B45]

Why takes when it's double decker buses?

And is modernities better than modern advances?

 

[MikeNewYork]

Good point about "takes". My error.
I don't think "modernities" is commonly used.

 

[tedmc]

I don't think 'modern advances' is appropriate. What do you think?

I have learned that is better not to mix tenses if possible.


not a teacher

 

[Rover_KE]

Most native speakers would say 'six months ago' rather than 'half a year ago.'

 

[tedmc]

Is 'modern advances' appropriate in the context?

If not, what is the term for it?

 

[Matthew Wai]

modernities.

The following dictionaries mark 'modernity' as uncountable.
http://www.macmillandictionary.com/dictionary/british/modernity
http://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/british/modernity
http://www.ldoceonline.com/dictionary/modernity
http://www.oxfordlearnersdictionaries.com/definition/english/modernity

Not a teacher.

 

[tedmc]

Being uncountable does not mean a word cannot be in the plural e.g. complexities, intricacies, niceties, eccentricities, etc.

I agree that the word 'modernties' is not common and asked if there is a better word.

not a teacher

 

[Matthew Wai]

Is 'modernized features' acceptable?

Not a teacher.

 

[tedmc]

'Modernized' implies something that has been changed. 'Modern features' would be better or 'modern facilities/amenities'.
The reason I used 'modernities', for want of a better word, is that it is an all-encompassing word which covers the physical and the abstract.

not a teacher

 

[Matthew Wai]

'Modernized' implies something that has been changed.

I think a modern city must have undergone changes before it could be described as modern.

Not a teacher.

 

[MikeNewYork]

To: tedmc:

<<<Being uncountable does not mean a word cannot be in the plural e.g. complexities, intricacies, niceties, eccentricities, etc.>>>

Then what does "uncountable" mean to you?

 

[tedmc]

To: tedmc:

<<<Being uncountable does not mean a word cannot be in the plural e.g. complexities, intricacies, niceties, eccentricities, etc.>>>

Then what does "uncountable" mean to you?

OK, Matthew got me confused about countability.

There is plural of 'modernity', an abstract noun, contrary to Matthew's references.

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/modernity