Money can buy happiness ...

[Anna232]

"Money can buy hapinness" is a prompt for an essay. I started it by writing the following: "Money can't buy happiness is a very common saying. However, it is also pretty debatable. Some people think it has a key to most if not all the joys of life that make people happy. Others say that money can only buy comfort for a person, not true happiness. And what do I think? Well, while both sides have their fair share of good points, but I leaning towards the latter more and in this essay I will tell you why."

I don't like how I started it. Should I change it into "While it is a popular belief that money can buy happiness, I think it is quite questionable. Some people think it is the key to happiness, while others believe it can bring certain comfort into our life, but not true happiness. In this essay, I will talk about why I think that money can't be the only source of happiness.

 

[emsr2d2]

"Money can buy happiness" is a prompt for an essay. I started it my essay by writing the following: with "Money can't buy happiness is a very common saying. However, it is also pretty debatable. Some people think it has is a the key to most, if not all, the joys of life that make people happy. Others say that money can only buy only a comfortable life, for a person, not true happiness. And what do I think? Well, while both sides have their fair share of good points, but I leaning lean towards the latter more and in this essay I will tell you why."

I don't like how I started it. Should I change it into to "While it is a popular belief that money can buy happiness, I think it is quite a questionable claim/statement. Some people think it is the key to happiness, while others believe it can bring certain comfort into our life, but not true happiness. In this essay, I will talk about why I think that money can't be isn't the only source of happiness.

I agree that your revised opening is better.

 

[Tarheel]

Can money buy happiness? Well, it depends on your definition of "happiness", doesn't it? For example, I wrote a poem that starts, "I've found happiness, and its name is carrot cake." In this case, money can definitely buy happiness.

 

[Anna232]

I agree that your revised opening is better.

Is it better not to use such informal parts as "And what do I think?" "And in this essay I will tell you why"?

 

[Tarheel]

I'm not at all sure what an informal part is. However, you could say:

What do I think? Well, I'll tell you what I think.

 

[teechar]

"Money can buy happiness" is a prompt for an essay.

What kind of essay?

 

[Anna232]

What kind of essay?

I think it was one of the IELTS essay sample I found on the Internet. I thought what I wrote was informal.

 

[emsr2d2]

I think it was one of the IELTS essay samples I found on the internet. I thought what I wrote was informal.

I think teechar wanted to know if it was a narrative, descriptive, expository, definition, process, compare and contrast, argumentative, or persuasive essay! (Those are ten types of essay from THIS website.)

Did you intend it to be informal or are you asking us if we feel that parts of it are [too] informal?

 

[Anna232]

Did you intend it to be informal or are you asking us if we feel that parts of it are [too] informal?

The latter. I thought I should stick to a formal style when writing an essay.

 

[emsr2d2]

The latter. I thought I should stick to a formal style when writing an essay.

Here are the parts that I consider too informal then:

pretty debatable
And what do I think?
Well, ...

You still haven't answered the question about the type of essay! Honestly, this is like pulling teeth!

 

[Anna232]

Here are the parts that I consider too informal then:

pretty debatable
And what do I think?
Well, ...

You still haven't answered the question about the type of essay! Honestly, this is like pulling teeth!

I am sorry. I am trying to find it. I usually google "essay questions" and don't save the source :/

 

[emsr2d2]

I am sorry. I am trying to find it. I usually google "essay questions" and don't save the source.

Now you know that you need to save the source in future.
Remember to end every sentence with one appropriate punctuation mark. You needed a full stop. (An emoji is not a replacement for a full stop.)

:/

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