[Essay] Please help me correct the essay

[hai_lua_t2]

Dear Teachers,

Below is an essay for my practice writing skills.
Could you please help me correct it?
Thank you!

It is true that vaccine is one of the greatest invention in medicine. It has protected many people from diseases during the human history. Almost every child was born today was immunized vaccines against common diseases. However, making a law to ask people use vaccines is not a good idea. From my point of view, vaccine should be an option rather than an obligation.

Firstly, there are many kinds of vaccine are being used so far. New vaccines will be discovered more and more in the future. So it is very difficult to ask people to use all the kinds of vaccine. It is reasonable to ask people immunize some basic vaccines. However, those vaccines only apply to against popular diseases which can be treated easily by modern medicine. For example, chickenpox is a disease which happen once in a life of person, and it is easy to get rid of it with proper treatment.

Another point, I would like to consider the using of vaccine is an option because it is not always safe for human. Everyone has a different heath status,and a different reaction to vaccine. Some people got sick after injecting vaccine. Even some cases have been reported to die due to vaccine yearly. If we give vaccine as a choice the doctors will check the heath status for him or her before he decide to take medicine or not. This is definitely safer than taking vaccine as an obligation.

The last point is the price of vaccines is very high for some diseases. It is not a good solution to have a law to ask poor people taking those vaccines.

It is good to encourage people taking vaccines. However, let's individuals have the right to choose the way that they want to protect themselves.

 

[teechar]

Dear Teachers,

Below is an essay I wrote to [STRIKE]for my[/STRIKE] practise my writing skills.
Could you please help me correct it?
Thank you!

It is true that vaccines [STRIKE]is one of[/STRIKE] are amongst the greatest discoveries [STRIKE]invention[/STRIKE] in medicine. [STRIKE]It[/STRIKE] Vaccination has protected [STRIKE]many people[/STRIKE] countless millions from diseases which are often fatal. [STRIKE]during the human history.[/STRIKE] Almost every child [STRIKE]was[/STRIKE] born today [STRIKE]was[/STRIKE] gets immunized by the use of vaccines against a variety of common diseases. However, [STRIKE]making a law to ask[/STRIKE] having legislation which obliges people [STRIKE]use[/STRIKE] to get vaccinated [STRIKE]es[/STRIKE] is not a good idea. From my point of view, vaccination is a personal choice and it should be left up to the individual to make that choice. [STRIKE]an option rather than an obligation.[/STRIKE]

Firstly, there are many kinds of vaccine are being used so far. New vaccines will be discovered more and more in the future. So it is very difficult to ask people to use all the kinds of vaccine. It is reasonable to ask people immunize some basic vaccines. However, those vaccines only apply to against popular diseases which can be treated easily by modern medicine. For example, chickenpox is a disease which happen once in a life of person, and it is easy to get rid of it with proper treatment.

Another point [STRIKE], I would like[/STRIKE] to consider is that the use [STRIKE]ing[/STRIKE] of vaccines is [STRIKE]an option because it is[/STRIKE] not always safe for every individual. [STRIKE]human. Everyone has a different heath status,and a different[/STRIKE] Some people may have an adverse, and in some cases life-threatening, reaction to a particular vaccine. [STRIKE]Some people got sick after injecting vaccine. Even some cases have been reported to die due to vaccine yearly.[/STRIKE] If [STRIKE]we give[/STRIKE] vaccines are optional, [STRIKE]as a choice[/STRIKE] the doctors will check the heath status of, and suitability of a vaccine for, a patient [STRIKE]him or her[/STRIKE] before administering the vaccine. [STRIKE]he decide to take medicine or not.[/STRIKE] This is definitely safer than [STRIKE]taking[/STRIKE] making vaccines mandatory for everyone. [STRIKE]as an obligation.[/STRIKE]

[STRIKE]The last point is[/STRIKE] Finally, the price of some vaccines is very high and, therefore, beyond the means of many, especially the poor. It would, thus, be better to have it as an option for people if they can afford it. [STRIKE]for some diseases. It is not a good solution to have a law to ask poor people taking those vaccines.[/STRIKE]

In conclusion, it is a good idea to encourage people to get [STRIKE]taking[/STRIKE] vaccinated. [STRIKE]es.[/STRIKE] However, it is important to leave it up to the [STRIKE]let's[/STRIKE] individual to [STRIKE]have the right[/STRIKE] to choose. [STRIKE]the way that they want to protect themselves.[/STRIKE]

I did not understand your first body paragraph, so I did not bother correcting it.

 

[hai_lua_t2]

I did not understand your first body paragraph, so I did not bother correcting it.

It is okay for me. Anyway, please let me rewrite the first paragraph. I hope that you can understand my point.

Firstly, vaccination could be replaced by modern medicine in some cases. For example, chickenpox is a disease which happens only once in a life of a person, and it is easy to get rid of it with proper treatment today. Moreover, new vaccines will be discovered in the future. It is very difficult to ask people to use all the kinds of vaccines. Common diseases can be treated by modern medicine so vaccination is not really necessary to ask people follow.

 

[teechar]

That still doesn't work for me, I'm afraid. Remember that you need to think of a reason/argument as to why vaccines should not be obligatory. Are you trying to make the point that vaccines are not always medically necessary? If so, then you can also mention that for some diseases (e.g., the flu or chickenpox) catching the disease once is enough to acquire a life-long immunity against it.
Start your paragraph with a good topic sentence. For example,
In some cases, vaccines are medically necessary or not very effective.