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[AnaEng]

I wrote the following essay to prepare for writing task 2 in IELTS. I started from paraphrasing the question

The prompt: Some people think that mobiles should be banned in school. Others argue that they are important in all daily life. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people believe that cell phones ought to be banned in school as they distracts pupils from engaging with students and teachers. Others argue that cell phones are necessary in all spheres of learning and also in emergency situations. Although the latter opinion is beneficial in educational institutions, I strongly believe that cell phones cause more harm than good in the K12 stage.

Cell phones play an essential role in learning and communication during emergencies. They can be used to record lessons, extract texts and translate, solve exercises and presenting the lessons.Therefore, they can work as a catalyst to foster children's learning and reduce dependence on teachers and family. with regard to emergency situations, Some natural disasters such as earthquake, volcanoes, and heavy rain, occurred and caused loss of life and damage. To prevent or mitigate the consequences, Students should have cell phones in case they fall ill or experience natural disasters. Some schools are located in remote areas and teachers themselves may not be able to guarantee the safety of children or be trained in case of emergency

I firmly believe that cell phones are responsible for occupying students' attention during the lessons instead of listening, discussing, asking and participating in the classroom .Some parents and school teachers notice that some students lack communication skills and latency in speech. Some students lack proper hand writing. These results are attributed to the excessive use of cell phones and neglecting improving literacy skills.

In conclusion, although cell phones have countless advantages in all aspects of learning and are beneficial in case of emergency situations, I believe their detrimental effects can be seen on students' attention and development.

 

[teechar]

I wrote the following essay to prepare for writing task 2 in IELTS.

I started from by paraphrasing the question.

I personally think that is not always the best strategy. It can indicate that you have nothing else to say in the introduction, and thus can be considered a sign of weakness.

The prompt:

Some people think that mobiles should be banned in school. Others argue that they are important in all daily life. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people believe that cell phones ought to be banned in school as they distract [ 1] pupils students from engaging with students their classmates and teachers. Others argue that cell phones are necessary in all spheres of learning and also in emergency situations. Although the latter opinion might have some justification, [ 2] is beneficial in educational institutions, I strongly believe that cell phones cause more harm than good in academic settings. [ 3] the K12 stage.

[ 4]

[ 1]: "Pupils" is used for primary schools.
[ 2]: This is the stance opposite yours, so use something like "might" instead of "is".
[ 3]: Avoid using regional terms and abbreviations. The IELTS examiner may not know their meanings.
[ 4]: You need two body paragraphs. In the first, present the points/arguments opposite yours. Then write a longer and more persuasive body paragraph in which you present strong arguments (and examples if you can) to convince the reader of your position.
Revise and post below.