The boulevard became the playground of the rich.

[alpacinou]

Is this correct and natural?

The boulevard became the playground of the rich. They would come at warms nights to burn rubber up and down the boulevard in their uber cars and max out their credit cards at the extravagant shops and restaurants that lined it. Alex worked as a store assistant at a watch gallery towards the end of the boulevard. Every day he would sell watches more expensive than most people's houses to oligarchs who had nothing to do but to splurge their ill-gotten gains. To Alex, they looked like a different species. Most of them had their chins and jaws sculpted by fine surgeons, and their lips pumped by chemicals and coated by the most expensive of lip balms. There was an air of pretension about them that made it difficult to connect with them.

 

[Barque]

Ok the whole, okay. There are a couple of mistakes/unnatural phrases.

 

[alpacinou]

Ok the whole, okay. There are a couple of mistakes/unnatural phrases.

Thank you but I was hoping to get feedback from an English teacher. Just so you know, I always am.

 

[Barque]

Thank you but I was hoping to get feedback from an English teacher.

If an English teacher feels like replying, I'm sure they will.

If you're asking me not to reply, sorry, you aren't entitled to do that.

 

[Barque]

Remember that people who answer your questions here are unpaid volunteers who reply because they want to help.

If you don't like a reply, ignore it. Simple.

But don't tell someone, or hint to them, not to reply. That's rude and ungracious. When you're getting free advice, you can't choose who should reply to you. You don't have a right to get a reply. You get replies because people are willing to do you a favour. Get it, Al?

 

[Tarheel]

"The boulevard became the playground of the rich."

That's a good line. The second one is different. How so? Rich people can afford fur coats. Why would they go out on just warn nights? As for drag racing, that's not safe. And as for maxing out their credit cards, rich people don't do that. (How do think they became rich in the first place?)

 

[emsr2d2]

They would come out at on warms warm nights to burn rubber up and down the boulevard in their uber cars ...

The underlined part, I'm sure, doesn't mean what you want it to. An Uber is a taxi firm and it's a brand name so should be capitalised. If you're trying to use "uber" as an intensifier meaning "very", you need to follow it with an adjective.

 

[SoothingDave]

"The boulevard became the playground of the rich."

That's a good line. The second one is different. How so? Rich people can afford fur coats. Why would they go out on just warn nights? As for drag racing, that's not safe. And as for maxing out their credit cards, rich people don't do that. (How do think they became rich in the first place?)

Notice that Tarheel used "on warm nights." That's one mistake in your text that I noticed.

I also noticed the line about maxing out credit cards. I don't think it works, but for a different reason than Tarheel. If you are talking about the very richest of the rich, they do not have credit limits, at least not ones that would affect how much they can spend on an evening's shopping.

 

[alpacinou]

How about now?

The boulevard became the playground of the rich. They would come out on nights to burn rubber up and down the boulevard in their super Italian cars and splash their seemingly endless cash at the extravagant shops and restaurants that lined it. Alex worked as a store assistant at a watch gallery towards the end of the boulevard. Every day he would sell watches more expensive than most people's houses to oligarchs who had nothing to do but to splurge their ill-gotten gains. To Alex, they looked like a different species. Most of them had their chins and jaws sculpted by fine surgeons, and their lips pumped by chemicals and coated by the most expensive of lip balms. There was an air of pretension about the super rich that made it difficult to connect with them.

 

[Tarheel]

How about now?

The boulevard became the playground of the rich. They would come out at night to burn rubber up and down the boulevard in their expensive Italian cars and splash their seemingly endless cash at the extravagant shops and restaurants that lined it. Alex worked as a store assistant at a watch gallery towards the end of the boulevard. Every day he would sell watches more expensive than most people's houses to oligarchs who had nothing to do but to splurge their ill-gotten gains. To Alex, they looked like a different species. Most of them had their chins and jaws sculpted by fine surgeons, and their lips pumped by chemicals and coated by the most expensive of lip balms. There was an air of pretension about the super rich that made it difficult to connect with them.

I don't think "super" is bad, since you are emphasizing their wealth "expensive" is better.

Most pay for stuff with plastic and don't splash the cash that much. Some do.

I might say something like "ostentatiously displaying wads of hundred-,dollar bills" but they wouldn't be doing that in Iran, of course. (They use rials, I think.)

Most of the super rich have chauffeurs to drive them (I don't know that for certain. That's just an opinion.)

 

[alpacinou]

"at nights" or "on nights"? Is this a British American thing? What if I put "super" before car?

The boulevard became the playground of the rich. They would come out on nights to burn rubber up and down the boulevard in their Italian super cars and splash their seemingly endless cash at the extravagant shops and restaurants that lined it. Alex worked as a store assistant at a watch gallery towards the end of the boulevard. Every day he would sell watches more expensive than most people's houses to oligarchs who had nothing to do but to splurge their ill-gotten gains. To Alex, they looked like a different species. Most of them had their chins and jaws sculpted by fine surgeons, and their lips pumped by chemicals and coated by the most expensive of lip balms. There was an air of pretension about the super rich that made it difficult to connect with them.

 

[Tarheel]

It can be hard to explain, that's for sure.

at night - when it's nighttime
on warm nights - on nights when it's it's warm

 

[emsr2d2]

"at nights" or "on nights"? Is this a British American thing?

I don't think there's a difference between the variants. As Tarheel showed above, "at night" is a general statement meaning "when it's nighttime". "On + adjective + nights" is used to refer to specific nights with whatever characteristic is expressed by the adjective.

What if I put "super" before car?

If you add "super", you need to remove the space and just use the noun "supercar".

 

[alpacinou]

I don't think "super" is bad, since you are emphasizing their wealth "expensive" is better.

Most pay for stuff with plastic and don't splash the cash that much. Some do.

I might say something like "ostentatiously displaying wads of hundred-,dollar bills" but they wouldn't be doing that in Iran, of course. (They use rials, I think.)

Most of the super rich have chauffeurs to drive them (I don't know that for certain. That's just an opinion.)

Is "splash the cash" not used when someone uses their credit card? Isn't it a metaphor?

Is there a similar idiom for credit card? I mean when someone spends a lot of money using their credit card?

 

[Tarheel]

@alpacinou I'm not familiar with "splash the cash," but it is rather clever. Having said that, I wouldn't use it. You can use "plastic" for both credit cards and debit cards.

 

[Barque]

There's an extra "to" here that you need to remove.

Every day he would sell watches more expensive than most people's houses to oligarchs who had nothing to do but to splurge their ill-gotten gains.

Also, you generally splurge on something.
Every day he would sell watches that cost more than most people's houses to oligarchs looking for something to splurge their ill-gotten gains on.
Every day ... looking for something to splurge on.

Most of them had their chins and jaws sculpted by fine surgeons, and their lips pumped by chemicals and coated by the most expensive of lip balms.

"Fine surgeons" isn't natural. "Pumped by chemicals" is wrong. "Coated by" should be "coated with". You don't need to repeat "lip".

Most of them had their chins and jaws sculpted by surgeons, and their lips pumped full of chemicals and coated with expensive balms.