The mean man

[chunchuntthn]

The mean man

​

A mean man secretly dug a hole in his garden and put his golds into it. Everyday, he went to the garden, took his gold out and counted whether his gold was enough or not.

A thief found out that the mean man was hiding the golds in his garden. The thief stole all his golds and took away. When the mean man knew (that) the gold was stolen, he was very sad, disappointed and cried aloud. A old woman went across and asked him “why do you cry”. He told (talked to) her about things that had just happened. “Why don’t you put the gold inside your house? Once you need, you can sell it to use”. The mean man answered: “I never think selling my gold”. The old woman thought about this for a moment, then said “If you don’t use that gold, you let put some rocks into the hole”.

Please correct my mistakes.

 

[emsr2d2]

The mean man


Bob, a mean man, secretly dug a hole in his garden and put his [STRIKE]golds[/STRIKE] gold into it. Everyday, he went to the garden, took his gold out and counted whether his gold was enough or not. (Enough for what?)

A thief found out that [STRIKE]the mean man[/STRIKE] Bob was hiding the [STRIKE]golds[/STRIKE] gold in his garden, [STRIKE]The thief[/STRIKE] and stole it all. [STRIKE]his golds and took away.[/STRIKE]

When [STRIKE]the mean man[/STRIKE] Bob [STRIKE]knew[/STRIKE] realised/found out (that) [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] his gold [STRIKE]was[/STRIKE] had been stolen, he was very sad and disappointed and [STRIKE]cried aloud[/STRIKE] started crying.

An old woman [STRIKE]went across and[/STRIKE] saw him and asked [STRIKE]him[/STRIKE] “Why [STRIKE]do you cry[/STRIKE] are you crying?” (no full stop here)

He told [STRIKE](talked to)[/STRIKE] her [STRIKE]about things that[/STRIKE] what had [STRIKE]just[/STRIKE] happened. “Why [STRIKE]don’t[/STRIKE] didn't you put the gold inside your house? [STRIKE]Once you need, you can sell it to use[/STRIKE] You could have sold it when you needed to”. [STRIKE]The mean man[/STRIKE] Bob answered: “I never think about selling my gold”. The old woman thought about this for a moment, then said “If you [STRIKE]don’t[/STRIKE] weren't going to use that gold, you [STRIKE]let[/STRIKE] might as well have put some rocks into the hole”.

[STRIKE]Please correct my mistakes.[/STRIKE]

See above. I gave the mean man a name so you didn't have to keep repeating "the mean man". Bear in mind that "mean" can mean "nasty" too.

 

[chunchuntthn]

Once I rewrite my passage, I have to learn more grammar to understand your corrections.

Bob, a mean man, secretly dug a hole in his garden and put his gold into it. Everyday, he went to the garden, took his gold out and counted whether his gold was enough quantity or not.
A thief found out that Bob was hiding gold in his garden, and stole it all. When Bob found up that his gold had been stolen, he was very sad and disappointed and started crying. An old woman saw him and asked “Why are you crying?” He told her what had happened. “Why didn’t you put the gold inside your house, you could have sold it when you needed to” Bob answered: “I never think about selling my gold”. The old woman thought about this for a moment, then said “If you were not going to use that gold, you might as well have put some rocks into the hole”.

 

[Tarheel]

Possibilities:

cried
bawled
wept

 

[Tarheel]

Ems asked an obvious question. ("Enough for what?") Changing "enough" to "enough quantity" doesn't answer the question. It just makes that weird.

It would probably be enough to say he was in the habit of counting his money.

 

[chunchuntthn]

Ems asked an obvious question. ("Enough for what?") Changing "enough" to "enough quantity" doesn't answer the question. It just makes that weird.

Actually, I can repair the above sentence to be better. Please give me any hints/ideas.

 

[Tarheel]

I'm sure I can fix that sentence. Please give me some ideas.

I probably could if I remember it. Also, Ems already offered her suggestions/corrections.

(I post to a dozen or so threads a day. Don't expect me to remember everything.)

 

[emsr2d2]

Actually, I can't [STRIKE]repair[/STRIKE] improve the above sentence. [STRIKE]to be better.[/STRIKE] Please give me [STRIKE]any[/STRIKE] some hints/ideas.

Unless you have a clear idea of how much "enough" is, don't use it. You can just say that he regularly takes out his gold and counts it. That will give the reader the idea that he is rather obsessed with his wealth.

 

[Tarheel]

I can't improve the sentence. Please give me some ideas.

He is so obsessed with his money that every day he digs it up and counts it. Then he buries it again.

 

[chunchuntthn]

I can't improve the sentence. Please give me some ideas.

He is so obsessed with his money that every day he digs it up and counts it. Then he buries it again.

This sentence is very nice for me.