the original and adapted versions

[diamondcutter]

#3. Self-expression leads to self-fulfillment
My mother makes her own clothes. She has never seen the value of passing trends, and instead has always created clothes she felt like wearing and was comfortable in. Soon enough, people were asking her to make clothes for them, and it turned into a full-time business. Being exposed to that showed me how you can make a career by expressing yourself creatively--and be completely happy doing so.
Source: https://pulptastic.com/10-things-my-cool-mom-taught-me/

Self-expression leads to self-achievement.
My mother made her own clothes she felt like wearing. Soon enough, people asked her to make clothes, and it turned into a full-time business. That shows me how you can set up your own business by expressing yourself truthfully.
Source: English test paper, Henan Province Senior High School Entrance Examinations, 2020

The lower passage is adapted from the upper one.

I have several questions about them.

About the original version:
1.“My mother...has always created clothes she felt like wearing and was comfortable in.” I think the verbs “felt” and “was” should be “feel” and “is” because his mother “has always created clothes”.

2.I don’t quite understand the pronoun “that” in “Being exposed to that”. Does it refer to his mother making clothes she likes?

3.In “Being exposed to that showed me how you can make a career by expressing yourself...”, I think the word “how” is redundant because the “by expressing yourself...” phrase tells the way. What do you say?

About the adapted version:
4.The test version changed “people were asking” to “people asked”. I don’t think both versions are not good enough. Maybe “people began to ask” is better.

I’d like to read your comments. Thanks in advance.

 

[tedmc]

About the original version:
1.“My mother...has always created clothes she felt like wearing and was comfortable in.” I think the verbs “felt” and “was” should be “feel” and “is” because his mother “has always created clothes”.

I don't like the part "felt like wearing". It sounds like it could be erratic and depends on her mood. I would just say "she liked/likes wearing".

2.I don’t quite understand the pronoun “that” in “Being exposed to that”. Does it refer to his mother making clothes she likes?

"That" is ambiguous but it probably means the whole experience of seeing how the mother achieved success from humble beginnings. I would write, "having had first-hand experience of seeing how my mother became successful in her business".

3.In “Being exposed to that showed me how you can make a career by expressing yourself...”, I think the word “how” is redundant because the “by expressing yourself...” phrase tells the way. What do you say?

Yes, "how" is optional but the relative pronoun (how/what/when/why) highlights "the way to go about doing something".

About the adapted version:
4.The test version changed “people were asking” to “people asked”. I don’t think both versions are not good enough. Maybe “people began to ask” is better.
I think the original using the past continuous is better because gives the impression of something happening over a period of time rather than a one-off action.

 

[diamondcutter]

Thanks, Tedmc.

1. I mean the tense of "felt" is wrong because the author uses the present perfect in “My mother...has always created clothes".

2. Maybe it's better just to say "My mother's experience showed me how you can make a career..." instead of saying "Being exposed to that showed me how you can make a career...".

4. The original version (were asking) and my version (began to ask) are equally good while the test version is not so good. Do you think so?

 

[tedmc]

1. I mean the tense of "felt" is wrong because the author uses the present perfect in “My mother...has always created clothes".

Yes, there is mix of tenses there, which is wrong.

2. Maybe it's better just to say "My mother's experience showed me how you can make a career..." instead of saying "Being exposed to that showed me how you can make a career...".

You have expressed it differently.
"Being exposed" followed by "showed me" does sound odd. I would write: My exposure to my mum's experience since young showed/taught me...

4. The original version (were asking) and my version (began to ask) are equally good while the test version is not so good. Do you think so?

I agree with you on this.

 

[Tarheel]

"Soon enough, people were asking her to make clothes for them ...."

I don't think "began to ask" is an improvement at all. In fact, nothing would be an improvement on the original, and I don't see why you would look for one. (Certainly, "began to ask" doesn't do it.)

 

[diamondcutter]

Hi, Tarheel.

What do think of the test paper version: soon enough, people asked her to make clothes? Does it make good sense?

 

[Tarheel]

"Soon enough, people asked her to make clothes?"

That looks fine to me.

(My rule is I don't use an adjective unless it's possible to use one that means the opposite.)

 

[emsr2d2]

Hi, Tarheel.

What do you think of the test paper version?

"Soon enough, people asked her to make clothes."

Does it make good sense?

It makes sense and it's grammatical. It's just not as natural as "people were asking her ..." because the continuous form expresses the ongoing nature of the requests.