The Art of Auto-fellatio: Oral Sex for One

I thought this book was about Italian sports cars but it wasn't. Let's just say it's less Lambourgihni and more Lambourweenie.

The photos are all black and white and kind of grainy and actually remind me of the art my Uncle Stu used to hang on the walls of his isolated lakeside cabin up in Michigan in the '70s. Faces are not shown but I'm pretty sure one of the photos is of Rosie O'Donnell, since Uncle Stu had the same photo of Rosie on his pine paneled walls and both pictures have a mole shaped like Howie Mandel on the "taint" area.

The book is awfully expensive and you can learn the same thing just by watching your dog(Not on THAT carpet! It was a GIFT!) and taking some yoga classes.

Gary Griffin's book deals sensitively with a controversial subject. It is written with confidence and flair, and the fact that the author is now permanently locked in a figure 8 after one particularly strenuous session is a tribute to his courage. Unfortunately, not everyone agrees. When asked what he thought of the book during a recent interview on 60 Minutes, my friend Hugh Grant shrugged dismissively and said, "What do I think of 'The Art of Auto-fellatio'? Let me put it this way. It's a bit like calling astrology a science. Since when has receiving it in a car been considered an art? And the broad I got caught with was no oil painting either."

Don't swallow what one critic has to offer. Read the book and make up your own mind.

I bought this like many other people, expecting to learn something about autofellatio. Unfortunately, I consider most of this book fluff. Fluff, as in the author's own homosexuality, and testimonials from other people who can autofellate. Great in proving it can be done, but otherwise inconsequential. How do you autofellate? Maybe I'm just an advanced masturbator, but it was nothing I didn't know already. And exercise? Nothing I couldn't have figured out on my own.

Nonetheless, I'll keep the book around simply because it's easier following an exercise regimine somebody else has created rather than an arbitrary one of your own. Ha ha.

I hear the author is working on Anal Sex for One: Part 1, which will be a six part series. I can't wait for that!

I am launching into a stronger core strength and flexibility exercise regimen so that I can make this a reality. I will update readers as I make progress. This will be useful for those times when I am bored and my girlfriend is away.

UPDATE: Yes, I have achieved the feat of auto-fellatio. I am awesome at it. Luckily, I don't have to do myself. My sweety insists on keeping the job.