Can someone tell what i'm doing wrong in this small essay

[bash89]

Who to Blame?

"Success doesn't come to you? You go to it." says Marva Collins. That means you have to make an effort to succeed, however a lot of the students who enroll in a two year colleges or a four year colleges don’t understand that. Many of them just go to college because they were taught through their life that the only way to succeed is by taking a bachelor or a master degree. The U.S. Census Bureau revealed in 2000 that one in three Americans drops out of college. There too many reasons for dropping out from college. Both colleges and students share the responsibility for this problem.

Attending classes, doing homework’s, and working at the same time load a high pressure for every student. Not everyone is capable in handling this pressure and a lot of them give up and drop out. My friend, Ahmed, works three part time jobs and take care of his mother and three his sisters by himself. He tried to finish college but unfortunately he couldn’t pass any class, so he had to drop out. Moreover, a lot of students don’t know what they want. College is not suitable for everyone. When I first met my counselor he told me that choosing the right major is the most important decision in college. Many students keep changing their major and at the end they drop out because they can’t afford paying college fees. At conclusion, to succeed in college students need a lot of motivation and to open their eyes at the future.

[Gillnetter]

Who to Blame?

"Success doesn't come to you? You go to it." says Marva Collins. That means you have to make an effort to succeed, however, a lot of the students who enroll in a two year colleges or a four year colleges don’t understand that. Many of them just go to college because they were taught through their life that the only way to succeed is by taking a bachelor's or a master's degree. The U.S. Census Bureau revealed in 2000 that one in three Americans drops out of college. There too are many reasons for dropping out from of college. Both colleges and students share the responsibility for this problem.

Attending classes, doing homework’s homework, and working at the same time load a create high pressure for every student. Not everyone is capable in handling this pressure and a lot of them give up and drop out. My friend, Ahmed, works three part time jobs and takes care of his mother and three of his sisters by himself. He tried to finish college, but, unfortunately he couldn’t pass any class, so he had to drop out. Moreover, a lot of students don’t know what they want. College is not suitable for everyone. When I first met my counselor he told me that choosing the right major is the most important decision in college. Many students keep changing their major and at , in the end, they drop out because they can’t afford to continue paying college fees. At In conclusion, to succeed in college, students need a lot of motivation and to open their eyes at to the future.

Gil