[General] How should I address strangers as in the American society if I don't know their names

[arihant9n]

In India we would address strangers as aunty/uncle bro/sis etc...how to address them especially when we dont know their name in American setting ? i want agewise addressing etiquette .Another situation where i felt uncomfortable is ... my bro who stays in usa was once on phone ...he asked me to talk to his neighbor and handed over the phone saying my brother will speak to you ... we started the conversation .... i dint know what to call/address him ...we dint exchange our names ! i felt like asking him " what should i call you" but i dint as i felt it might be rude to ask directly !! what is the ideal conversation etiquette in this situation ?!! is it ok to ask him "what should i call you?".... how should i start the conversation in this situation ?is it ok to ask people what they would like to be addressed as? if so what is the correct formal polite phrase to be used?:roll:

 

[MikeNewYork]

Certainly "aunty", "uncle", "bro", and "sis" won't work in America for strangers. Part of this depends on your age and the age of the stranger. How old are you?

 

[TheParser]

I felt like asking him, " What should I call you?," but I didn't as I felt it might be rude.

***** NOT A TEACHER *****

As the teacher said, do NOT use the terms "aunty" or "uncle." Neither should you use the terms "bro" or "sister." In some circumstances, those terms would be highly offensive.

Why don't you just ask, "May I ask your name?" If the answer is "John Doe," then you could either refer to him as "John" or "Mr. Doe." If you are a twentysomething, and he is in his 50s, it might be a good idea to first address him as "Mr. Doe" until he says, "Call me 'John.' " If both of you are young, then it would probably be a good idea to refer to him as "John."

On the other hand, if you are being introduced to a mature woman, it might be a good idea (even in 2015!) to address her as "Ms. Jones" until she says, "Call me 'Mona.' "

By the way, if you are talking with an American company and want to know the name of the employee with whom you are speaking, just ask (in a very courteous manner) something like "May I please know who(m) I'm speaking with?" You may need to refer to that person in future dealings with that company.

 

[arihant9n]

. How old are you?

Sir I am 26 . thank you

I realise that the question about American practice, but I don't think that British practice is that different these days. If someone is introduced to me as Percival/Mr Postule/Dr Postule/Major Postule, etc, then that is how I address them. If they prefer to be addressed in a different way, then it's up to them to tell me.

If I haven't been introduced to them, then I don't use any form of address. It is important in many cultures to use some equivalent of sir/madam/miss/etc, when addressing a stranger.This is not the case in British English normally, though some wait staff, shop assistants, police officers and customs officials do so.

Despite a rather formal upbringing, I introduce myself to people of all ages by my first name, and that is the way I want people to address me. But woe betide a police officer or customs/immigration official who, after looking at my ID, presumes to address me by my first name.

thanks for the reply sir . so if we introduce ourselves by our first name , it wont be formal? or the rule is the way you would like to be called ...introduce yourself that way? i cant introduce with my full name(first+last name) as it is very long...i prefer just using first name...so it wont be polite in a formal setting to introduce yourself with first name ?
if the stranger is of my age (26) ...obviously i cant call him sir...how should i address him? what about younger people (age14 to 20) how to address ?

***** NOT A TEACHER *****

As the teacher said, do NOT use the terms "aunty" or "uncle." Neither should you use the terms "bro" or "sister." In some circumstances, those terms would be highly offensive.

Why don't you just ask, "May I ask your name?" If the answer is "John Doe," then you could either refer to him as "John" or "Mr. Doe." If you are a twentysomething, and he is in his 50s, it might be a good idea to first address him as "Mr. Doe" until he says, "Call me 'John.' " If both of you are young, then it would probably be a good idea to refer to him as "John."

On the other hand, if you are being introduced to a mature woman, it might be a good idea (even in 2015!) to address her as "Ms. Jones" until she says, "Call me 'Mona.' "

By the way, if you are talking with an American company and want to know the name of the employee with whom you are speaking, just ask (in a very courteous manner) something like "May I please know who(m) I'm speaking with?" You may need to refer to that person in future dealings with that company.

thank you sir. i was wondering as during a conversation we cant always keep repeating Mr.Doe (age-50)...can we start the conversation with Mr.Doe and replace it with Sir for the remaining part of the conversation? If the person is of my age(26) .. still addressing as Mr.doe wont be overly polite?

Wise advice. You cannot offend anyone if you follow it, in my opinion.

sure will keep in mind sir!!

again i dont know how to address you people in this online setting as i dont know anything about .I am using Sir, hope its fine . !

 

[MikeNewYork]

In the US, a man of 26 could easily address an older man as Sir or an older woman as Miss or Ma'am. It is considered polite and is quite normal. Once the two people are introduced, real names could be used.

 

[Barb_D]

Please start using capital letters in your posts, especially the pronoun "I," and please write in sentences that end with periods, not two or three dots.

You rarely use a person's name more than once in a conversation. I would not expect you to start every sentence with my name.

As a young man of 26, call anyone under 20 by their first name.

 

[Rover_KE]

arihant9n, please read these rules on written English:

- Start every sentence with a capital letter.
- End every sentence with a single appropriate punctuation mark.
- Always capitalise the word "I".
- Capitalise all proper nouns (English, London, Shakespeare etc).
- Do not put a space before a full stop, comma, question mark or exclamation mark.
- Always put a space after a full stop, comma, question mark or exclamation mark.

(emsr2d2)

(Cross-posted with Barb.)

 

[MikeNewYork]

Barb, for a man of 26, I would say the first name goes for anyone up to at least 30,

 

[emsr2d2]

[STRIKE]Sir[/STRIKE] I am 26. Thank you.



Thanks for the reply. [STRIKE]sir .[/STRIKE] So, if we introduce ourselves by our first name, it [STRIKE]wont be[/STRIKE] isn't formal? Or is the rule [STRIKE]is[/STRIKE] that you introduce yourself in the way you would like to be called? [STRIKE]...introduce yourself that way?[/STRIKE] I can't introduce myself with my full name (first + last name) as it is very long. I prefer [STRIKE]just[/STRIKE] [STRIKE]using[/STRIKE] to use just my first name. [STRIKE]so it wont be[/STRIKE] Is it impolite in a formal setting to introduce yourself with your first name?
If the stranger is [STRIKE]of[/STRIKE] about my age (26), obviously I can't call him "Sir" so how should I address him? What about younger people (age 14 to 20)? How [STRIKE]to[/STRIKE] should I address them?



Thank you. [STRIKE]sir.[/STRIKE] I was wondering [STRIKE]as[/STRIKE] whether, during a conversation, we [STRIKE]cant[/STRIKE] shouldn't [STRIKE]always[/STRIKE] keep repeating Mr. Doe (if he is aged about 50). Can we start the conversation with "Mr. Doe" and replace it with "sir" for the remaining part of the conversation? If the person is of my age (26), [STRIKE]still[/STRIKE] is addressing him as "Mr. Doe" [STRIKE]wont be[/STRIKE] overly polite?

[STRIKE]sure[/STRIKE] I will certainly keep it in mind. [STRIKE]sir!![/STRIKE]

Again, I don't know how to address [STRIKE]you[/STRIKE] the people in this [STRIKE]online setting[/STRIKE] forum as I don't know anything about them. I am using "Sir". I hope its [STRIKE]fine[/STRIKE] OK. [STRIKE]![/STRIKE]

See my amendments to several of your previous posts above, marked in red. You have already been given a list of the rules of written English so I have demonstrated them above.

As you now know, we do not expect any level of formality on this forum. If you must address us with anything, simply use our username. "Sir" is too formal and it excludes all our female members.

 

[TheParser]

[1] If the person is of my age(26) .. still addressing as Mr. Doe won't be overly polite?




[2] I don't know how to address people in this online setting.

***** NOT A TEACHER *****

Hello, Arihant9n:

Your thread is very important. It shows that learning another language involves the grammar and the culture.

If you read and reread the advice of the posters in this thread, you will start to get an idea of how English-language speakers address one another.

It is, of course, impossible to cover every aspect in a single thread.

[2] I know how you feel. I am an old man who has always been very formal. When I was working, I always addressed everyone as Mr. ___ or Mrs. / Miss / Ms. ___. And everyone always addressed me as Mr. ____.

In this forum, I have been admonished (gently warned) to address other members simply by their user name. For example, I would simply address you as Arihant9n. It would be inappropriate to address you as "Student / Member / Learner Arihant9n."

It is difficult for me to break my habit of formality. For example, there is a member whose name is, let's say, "John Doe." I usually refer to him as "Mr. Doe." And there is a teacher whose user name is, let's say, "Jane." I always refer to her as "Teacher Jane." I do this because I greatly respect her, and I want to show due respect. Nevertheless, I suggest that you NOT copy me.

[1] It is impossible to explain such a big subject in a short post. But you are correct: being overly polite can be misunderstood.

a. One day I was on a bus. The driver courteously answered a young man with "Sir." The young man yelled, "Don't call me 'Sir.' I'm not old!"

b. One time, I answered a mature woman (in her 60's?) with "Yes, ma'am." She became very angry and said, "Ma'am? You are older than I am!"

c. One time, I answered a medical doctor's questions with "Yes / No, sir." He was not pleased. He looked at me and asked, "Were you in the army?"


I personally think that it's great that you live in a society in which people show proper respect to one another by the way they address one another.

Please remember, however, that here in the United States, people are much more informal. You can often answer with a simple "Yes" or "No." You can ask a question without saying the other person's name. I suggest that you carefully watch American movies to give you some idea of how people interact with one another.

 

[arihant9n]

First of all, my sincere apologies for not following the guidelines. Thank you Barb_D, Rover_KE for pointing out the same. Emsr2d2 thank you for a detailed explanation. I have one more question. As I have mentioned my name is very long, when I introduce myself to others, is it ok to say first name only? Or is it deemed impolite if we don't say complete name? which is the formal, polite way? Thank you! Correct me if anything is wrong.

 

[arihant9n]

***** NOT A TEACHER *****

Hello, Arihant9n:

Your thread is very important. It shows that learning another language involves the grammar and the culture.

If you read and reread the advice of the posters in this thread, you will start to get an idea of how English-language speakers address one another.

It is, of course, impossible to cover every aspect in a single thread.

[2] I know how you feel. I am an old man who has always been very formal. When I was working, I always addressed everyone as Mr. ___ or Mrs. / Miss / Ms. ___. And everyone always addressed me as Mr. ____.

In this forum, I have been admonished (gently warned) to address other members simply by their user name. For example, I would simply address you as Arihant9n. It would be inappropriate to address you as "Student / Member / Learner Arihant9n."

It is difficult for me to break my habit of formality. For example, there is a member whose name is, let's say, "John Doe." I usually refer to him as "Mr. Doe." And there is a teacher whose user name is, let's say, "Jane." I always refer to her as "Teacher Jane." I do this because I greatly respect her, and I want to show due respect. Nevertheless, I suggest that you NOT copy me.

[1] It is impossible to explain such a big subject in a short post. But you are correct: being overly polite can be misunderstood.

a. One day I was on a bus. The driver courteously answered a young man with "Sir." The young man yelled, "Don't call me 'Sir.' I'm not old!"

b. One time, I answered a mature woman (in her 60's?) with "Yes, ma'am." She became very angry and said, "Ma'am? You are older than I am!"

c. One time, I answered a medical doctor's questions with "Yes / No, sir." He was not pleased. He looked at me and asked, "Were you in the army?"


I personally think that it's great that you live in a society in which people show proper respect to one another by the way they address one another.

Please remember, however, that here in the United States, people are much more informal. You can often answer with a simple "Yes" or "No." You can ask a question without saying the other person's name. I suggest that you carefully watch American movies to give you some idea of how people interact with one another.

Thank you TheParser. Such a nice explanation. You have mentioned that you are an old man, I feel like calling you "Sir" as we do here in our society. Calling elders by their name is deemed disrespectful (even if you add Mr/Mrs in front of their name). There are lot of cultural differences. As you have advised, I have been watching Hollywood movies since long time. But I feel we will get to know the real etiquette only when we interact with people from that culture. I am moving to USA to do residency in internal medicine. I have few more doubts regarding this hospital/academic setting etiquette . If you allow me, I would like to list few of them. Please let me know. Again thank you for your time.

 

[emsr2d2]

Please start a new thread for your queries about the etiquette of hospital/academic settings.

 

[arihant9n]

It depends on the context. In some situations, the person addressed needs to know your full name no matter how long it is My name is Percival Ponsonby Postule. If you are just introducing yourself at an informal social event, then it is acceptable to give a short form of your first name - I'm Percy.

Got it. I am much relieved now. This forum is amazing , fast and detailed replies making learning a pleasure.

 

[arihant9n]

Please start a new thread for your queries about the etiquette of hospital/academic settings.

Sure Emsr2d2, I will start a new thread. One last clarification. Can we ask the person "what should I call you?" after he has introduced himself with his full name (John Doe) ? Or just keep calling him Mr.Doe until he says " you can call me John" ? . I guess calling by their first name should be reserved only to people who are close and you know them for a long time. Am I right?

 

[arihant9n]

If someone addressed me or referred to me as 'Teacher Piscean', my first thought would be that they were not a native speaker.

So what is the correct way? Teacher [last name]? Eg-Teacher Doe?

 

[emsr2d2]

You need to understand that we simply do not use "Teacher" as a form of address in English. Some teachers have an official title, such as "Professor" so they might insist on being referred to as "Professor Plum" but "Teacher" is not an official title, it's just the name of a job.

 

[TheParser]

I am moving to the USA to do residency in internal medicine.

***** NOT A TEACHER *****

I am not Nostradamus (who supposedly had the ability to predict the future), but I predict the following:

1. When you have spent JUST a few weeks here, you will be astonished at how informal (and friendly) everyone is.
2. When I was young, medical doctors were considered gods. We still do always address them as "Dr. Smith" (while they usually address us by our first names!), but medical doctors nowadays have lost a lot of their prestige.
3. Within a short time, your colleagues at the hospital and university will be calling you either by a shortened version of your long first name or they will even choose an American nickname for you!
4. Your colleagues will probably share the latest gossip about the doctors. For example, the doctors (and nurses) who are really "cool" and the ones who insist on being addressed as "Sir" or "Ma'am." Of course, you will have to address them as "Dr. Smith" -- until some of them invite you home for dinner and let you call them by their first names in an informal setting.
5. Believe me, you are going to have a lot of fun. And a lot of stories to tell your family and friends back home.
6. On a more serious note, if you eventually return to your country to practice medicine, you will unconsciously (at least) take home some of the attitudes and customs that you learned here in the United States. In your own way, you will be changing the doctor-patient relationship that currently exists in your country.

Best of luck to you!

 

[renard2]

Indian English speakers tend to sound overly formal to North Americans, it's just too much "sir", "madam", "ma'am". You can say it once, but after that, it starts to sound redundant and unnatural.

 

[Barb_D]

And as I said before, repeating the person's name is also unnatural.

Regarding the question you have asked a couple times, about your own name, I admit that I often find Indian names very challenging. You may wish to come up with a slightly "Americanized" version or short form and say something like "my full name is quite a mouthful so I go by X."