what a valid topic sentence look like?

[nixgnoy]

If one topic sentence like that:

Starting school early can benefit not only in terms of children and their families but in society as a whole.

Then I discuss it by using linking words: To begin with, children will.....;In addition, families will.....;Finally, society will.......

Q1. Is this a valid topic sentence? (some people said that it was't, because it contained three ideas: children,families, society;others, however, said that it was, because it contained only one idea, that is "benefit")
I was really confused by this question:-(, would you please help me?

Q2. If this is a valid topic sentence, are there any other words that can replace those words like "To begin with, ...;In addition, ...; Finally..."?
I dislike using those words because it seems a bit mechanical.

 

[bhaisahab]

If one topic sentence like that:

Starting school early can benefit not only in terms of children and their families but in society as a whole.

Then I discuss it by using linking words: To begin with, children will.....;In addition, families will.....;Finally, society will.......

Q1. Is this a valid topic sentence? (some people said that it was't, because it contained three ideas: children,families, society;others, however, said that it was, because it contained only one idea, that is "benefit")
I was really confused by this question:-(, would you please help me?

Q2. If this is a valid topic sentence, are there any other words that can replace those words like "To begin with, ...;In addition, ...; Finally..."?
I dislike using those words because it seems a bit mechanical.

It is not a good sentence, you should remove "in terms of" and "in" before "society". Thus: Starting school early can benefit not only children and their families but society as a whole.

 

[emsr2d2]

If one topic sentence like that:

Starting school early can benefit not only in terms of children and their families but in society as a whole.

Then I discuss it by using linking words: To begin with, children will.....;In addition, families will.....;Finally, society will.......

Q1. Is this a valid topic sentence? (some people said that it was't, because it contained three ideas: children,families, society;others, however, said that it was, because it contained only one idea, that is "benefit")
I was really confused by this question:-(, would you please help me?

Q2. If this is a valid topic sentence, are there any other words that can replace those words like "To begin with, ...;In addition, ...; Finally..."?
I dislike using those words because it seems a bit mechanical.

If it's going to be the title of a piece of writing, I would be inclined to shorten it even further to "Starting school early can benefit children, their families and society"

 

[mmasny]

Q2. If this is a valid topic sentence, are there any other words that can replace those words like "To begin with, ...;In addition, ...; Finally..."?
I dislike using those words because it seems a bit mechanical.

You can use one of these:
first of all, second of all,
first, second, third,
above all,
moreover, additionally, also, furthermore,
to sum up, to conclude.

And here's a link to many more: Transitional Words & Phrases

 

[nixgnoy]

Dear all,
thank you very much!

but about the topic sentences mentioned before,
Starting school early can benefit not only children and their families but society as a whole.
or
Starting school early can benefit children, their families and society.
some people said that it was't a correct topic sentence, because it contained three ideas: children,families, society;others, however, said that it was, because it contained only one idea, that is "benefit".
Who is right?:-?