My Poolesville Application

[starsyph]

I'm applying for magnet schools, so any feedback would be greatly appreciated!
Here's the question and my essay. I'm not quite done, as I am, for lack of better word, stuck. Thank you for reading my essay!

Please describe yourself as you study, work, and interact in your favorite class or activity related to the focus of the Science, Mathematics, Computer Science program.
I see myself working in front of a computer, lines of colorful code running through the screen. Although it may seem like nonsense, there is a meaning behind each of the words and symbols, although they may not seem obvious at first. This is the nature of all work and life itself. An assignment, at first glance may seem confusing, but once you read it through and piece it together, the meaning is much more obvious.
When I problem solve, I untangle each problem and break it down until I can solve each little problem to come up with a solution. Knowledge is boundless like the ocean, and I am sailing in it, navigating through waters stormy or clear. The pursuit of knowledge may be a daunting one, but I am fully prepared to face this challenge. When I work, I face this challenge everyday. When I often cannot find an answer at home, I regularly look things up, and immerse myself in the articles of Wolfram Alpha. In a school environment, I may ask my peers when allowed, and this is greatly useful, as I can see not only as I have interpreted the code, but how my colleagues have as well.

 

[Claritas]

What's your word limit? If you rewrite, it might be helpful to add a discussion of a specific instance of your problem-solving approach. It's always more interesting to read about the concrete than the abstract.

I'm applying for magnet schools, so any feedback would be greatly appreciated!
Here's the question and my essay. I'm not quite done, as I am, for lack of better word, stuck. Thank you for reading my essay!

Please describe yourself as you study, work, and interact in your favorite class or activity related to the focus of the Science, Mathematics, Computer Science program.
I see myself working in front of a computer, lines of colorful code running through the screen. [STRIKE]Although[/STRIKE] It may seem like nonsense, but there is a meaning behind each of the words and symbols, although [STRIKE]they[/STRIKE] it may not seem obvious at first. ("A meaning" is singular, so it takes singular pronouns like "it.") This is the nature of all work and life itself. (This sentence has the sound of an overarching theme, but you don't come back to it. You should either add to the end of the second paragraph in order to elaborate upon this idea, or eliminate this theme entirely. If you don't choose to eliminate it, you should move it to the end of this paragraph.) An assignment may seem confusing at first glance, but once you read it through and piece it together, the meaning is much more obvious.

When I problem-solve, I untangle each problem and break it down until I can solve each little problem to come up with a solution. Knowledge is boundless like the ocean, and I am sailing in it, navigating through waters stormy or clear. (The last two sentences are grammatical, but they pile metaphor upon metaphor--I'd suggest deleting the "ocean" sentence and slightly expanding the "untangling" metaphor. Perhaps "I untangle every difficult problem until I can solve each strand, then bring all of the strands together into a solution.") The pursuit of knowledge may be a daunting one, but I am fully prepared to face this challenge. When I work, I face this challenge every day. (The adjective "everyday" modifies only nouns; if you want to modify the verb "face," you need to use two words.) When I [STRIKE]often[/STRIKE] cannot find an answer at home, I regularly look things up, and immerse myself in the articles of Wolfram Alpha. In a school environment, I may ask my peers when allowed. This is greatly useful, as I can see not only [STRIKE]as[/STRIKE] how I have interpreted the code, but how my colleagues have as well.

 

[starsyph]

Thank you so much for the advice! I really want to get in so it means a lot to me that you would take the time to help me.