[Essay] Can I get an overall assessment? (Not homework)

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JoseT23

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Hello everyone,

as I said in other thread, I'm taking the IELTS exam in July 30th. The problem is that I'm preparing for the exam on my own and I don't have anyone to correct my essays (there are no IELTS teachers in my city). I'm not asking you to correct all of them, but I would really appreciate if some of you could tell me what level do I have overall. If possible, it would be nice if any of you were an IELTS professor or examiner so you could let me know what IELTS band do I score.

I don't need a deep analysis of it. I know I have some spelling mistakes sometimes. I just want to know my level.

Here comes one of my essays:

Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree? What other measures do you think might be effective?

It is a well-known fact that nowadays the number of cars in the streets has increased, and a proof of that is the traffic jam we confront every morning in our way to work. Some people argue that the most effective solution would be to increase the cost of petrol. However, I would not dare to say that it discourages people of driving their cars.

Firstly, it could be said that, depending on the country, petrol is already expensive. The cost of fuel has been constantly increasing for the last years yet there has been no noticeable improvement in air pollution. What is more, it has even increased as people keep buying cars and using them constantly.

Secondly, governments in many countries do not encourage the use of public transport, increasing the price of the bus ticket every year. Furthermore, most of the times buses and trains are rather slow and crowded since there are not many of them and they are not very frequent.

In addition, people awareness about the environment is rather low. It could be said that the main reason for this is that they are not noticing any real and direct change in their day-to-day life, apart from a soft rise of temperature in summer, or maybe a couple of draughts twice a year. Moreover, nothing is being done from the government to make people aware of this situation.

To sum up, I do not think that rising the price of petrol is a good solution to growing traffic and pollution problems as people usually do not mind paying a little bit more on their petrol. Nevertheless, I think that a good solution to the problem would be to promote public transport and even share car with people who has a common direction to work, reducing the number of cars in the road every morning up to 4. There is much to be done yet and the government must take part on it if we want a solution of these problems, and increasing the price of petrol is just a patch in the hole that will be open again eventually.


Thank you very much!!!

Greetings from the south of Spain!!
 

Tarheel

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Say:

As I said in the other thread, I'm taking the IELTS exam on July 30.

I like your format!
 

Tarheel

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Remember the rule of ten.
 

JoseT23

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Hi, thanks!

What is the rule of ten?
 

Tarheel

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When you see something you want to remember, read it, write it, or say it ten times.
 

Tarheel

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You should really put the "greetings" part first. More later!
 

Tarheel

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Say:

Here is one of my essays.

And:

I would not say that it discourages people from driving their cars.
 

Tarheel

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Next paragraph. Say:

The cost of fuel has been constantly increasing over the last few years....
 

Tarheel

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Next paragraph. Say:

Furthermore, most of the time buses and trains are slow and crowded since there are not many of them and they don't run very often.
 
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