Correct my passage Please ( Happened today )

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EMHM

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Oct 7, 2015
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Interested in Language
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Arabic
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Bahrain
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Bahrain
I have written this passage just for practice. Please check it for me.

"Earlier today, I met one of my workmates who recently promoted to a higher position in different department. I started advising him what to do in his new job.

As a technical oriented workforce, I know that we are weak in soft skills, so that, I told him to start learning soft skills like telephone conversation, sending emails, using computer and dealing with copy machines.

The other thing he needs in my opinion is to read about Asset Management, where it will be part of his new career and to understand what is “The Asset Life Cycle”.

I was talking with a lot of enthusiasm and when finished, he replied calmly: “See my friend, I have a policy in my life, if you run after the job, it will run after you, and if you ignore the job, the job will ignore you”.


When I heard that, it was just a bucket of cold water on my head after two hours of playing football!"
 

emsr2d2

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Jul 28, 2009
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English Teacher
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British English
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UK
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UK
I have written this passage just for practice. Please check it for me.

"Earlier today, I met one of my workmates who was recently promoted to a higher position in a different department. I started advising him on what to do in his new job.

As a technically-oriented workforce, I know that we are weak in soft skills ​(no comma here) so [STRIKE]that,[/STRIKE] I told him to start learning soft skills like telephone conversation, sending emails, using a computer and dealing with copy machines.

The other thing he needs to do, in my opinion, is to read about Asset Management, [STRIKE]where it[/STRIKE] which will be part of his new career and to understand what [STRIKE]is[/STRIKE] “The Asset Life Cycle” is.

I was talking [STRIKE]with a lot of enthusiasm[/STRIKE] very enthusiastically and when I had finished, he replied calmly, “See my friend, I have a policy in my life, if you run after the job, it will run after you, and if you ignore the job, the job will ignore you”.

When I heard that, it was [STRIKE]just[/STRIKE] like a bucket of cold water [STRIKE]on[/STRIKE] over my head after two hours of playing football!"

See my suggested changes above.
 
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