Writing a letter abroad!

[Leonardoven]

Hello, my name is Michel.
I'm 19 years old and from the Netherlands.

I'm almost done with my study and I want to go to Japan for a year (study year)
An acquaintance of my mothers her colleague where I'm really familiar with knows someone in Japan.
The colleague wanted me to to write a letter from her perspective introducing myself. (because she doesn't speak English very well. )

My English isn't so great either so I hope you will be able to help me a little bit with everything to make a good email.
In the mail I want to:

-make a opening from my colleague's perspective her name is Alice telling I want to go to Japan and tell that I have a send her a mail to send to him (or something like this)
-introduce myself
-tell why I'm interested in going to Japan
-what I will be doing in japan and for how long
-ask if they know people where I could stay or if I could stay with them while being in Japan
-proper ending of the mail

I just finished the email and I'm curious what i can change.
Warning I'm not good in writting emails even in my own languages, so if there are things i should say in a email to a stranger or something please tell me. Thanks for you your time.


Mail:

5-12-2016
Dear **** ****,

My name is ****. I am from The Netherlands - a senior at IMAGO School of Arts and Graphic Design. I’m currently working and saving money with one goal in mind: I really want to go to Japan! **** noticed this and told me about you and how she and her husband got to know you. She suggested to write an email to you.

Why Japan?

It started 5 years ago. I got interested in anime and that was my first introduction to Japan. Last year, a good friend of mine traveled to Japan as an exchange student, and she told me amazing stories about her time in Japan, which got me really interested.

From the castles, temples and shrines, to the festivals and the incredible-looking food, experiencing Japanese culture is something I really want to do. I would love to see the cherry blossoms bloom around April and learn about daily life in Japan.

If everything goes according to plan, I’ll graduate on the 30th of July 2017, and I wish to go to Japan right after my graduation. I’m still looking at a few possible ways of getting to Japan(to go to Japan?) . One would be with an organisation called EF, which is an international education company that specializes (is specialized) in language training, educational travel, academic degree programs and cultural exchange.

They have a school in Tokyo (Shibuya) which I want to join for a semester (6-9 months).

I was wondering if you can help me find a suitable accommodation for the duration of my stay in Japan. I would be very grateful.

I appreciate your taking the time to read my email and I hope to hear from you soon.

Sincerely,
Michel ****

 

[GoesStation]

Welcome to the forum.

If a moderator hasn't already done it when you read this, please click the "Edit" button, remove your full name and other identifying information and the name and specific details of other people, and click "Save".

Once you've done that, we'll address your letter.

 

[Leonardoven]

The names I placed in this document were fake made up names.
Still thank you for your concerns.

 

[GoesStation]

Here are a couple of tips to start out:

1. People often write u instead of "you" in casual usage. It's not appropriate in a formal letter.
2. Capitalize the word "I" and the names of months and other proper nouns. "Anime" and "incredible" are not proper nouns. The important words in the name of a school are capitalized: "the Xxxx School of Arts and Graphic Design", as they are in geographical place names like the Shibuya Crossing.

Good luck!

 

[teechar]

29-11-2016
Dear xxxx,

My name is Michel. I am from The Netherlands - a senior at xxxx School of Arts and Graphic Design. I’m currently working and saving money with one goal in mind: I really want to go to Japan! xxxx noticed this and told me about you and how you two [STRIKE]and her xxx[/STRIKE] got to know each other. She [STRIKE]told me[/STRIKE] suggested I [STRIKE]could right a[/STRIKE] write an email to you.

Why Japan?

It started 5 years ago. I got interested in anime [STRIKE]without being aware of it back then it[/STRIKE] and that was my first introduction to Japan. Last year, a good friend of mine [STRIKE]started a[/STRIKE] traveled to Japan as an exchange student, [STRIKE]program to Japan[/STRIKE] and she told me amazing stories about her time in Japan, [STRIKE]and it[/STRIKE] which got me really interested.

From the castles, temples and shrines, to the festivals and the incredible-looking food, experiencing Japanese culture is something I really want to do. I would love to see the cherry blossoms bloom around April and learn about [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] daily life in Japan.

[STRIKE]Expecting[/STRIKE] If everything goes [STRIKE]as[/STRIKE] according to plan, [STRIKE]ned,[/STRIKE] I’ll graduate on the 30th of July 2017, and I wish to go to Japan right after my graduation. I’m still looking [STRIKE]for[/STRIKE] at a few possible ways [STRIKE]to[/STRIKE] of getting to Japan. One [STRIKE]of them[/STRIKE] would be with an organisation called EF, [STRIKE]EF[/STRIKE] which is an international education company that specializes in language training, educational travel, academic degree programs and cultural exchange.

They have a school in Tokyo (Shibuya) [STRIKE]cross[/STRIKE] which I want to join for a semester (6-9 months).

[STRIKE]The reason of my mails is that I hoped[/STRIKE] I was wondering if you can help me [STRIKE]to[/STRIKE] find [STRIKE]a place[/STRIKE] suitable accommodation for the duration of my stay in Japan. I would be very grateful. [STRIKE]and tought u might now someone or know a place for me to stay .[/STRIKE]

I appreciate your taking the time to read my email and I [STRIKE]wish[/STRIKE] hope to hear back from you soon.

Sincerely,
xxx

.

 

[Leonardoven]

Thank you very much, I retyped my email and made a few changes I was wondering if everything is okay like this and which way is better of getting to Japan(to go to Japan?) - that specializes (is specialized) in

Gr Michel