[Application] Motivation letter proofreading

[bubbha]

In September 2016 I completed my Bachelor's degree with focus on" Controlling", "Marketing and International Marketing" as well as "Production and Logistics Management"

Don't put quotes around the names of these subjects. What is the nature of these subjects? Why are they capitalized? Course and program names are capitalized; generic subjects are not. ("I learned about statistics in the course Statistics.")

If they are official fields of concentration, you should specify so.

e.g.: "... with concentrations in Controlling, Marketing & International Finance, and Production & Logistics Management."

(Note how I use the "&" to clarify the groupings.)

If they're just generic subjects, then you can write:

"... focusing on subjects such as controlling, marketing, international finance, production, and logistics management."

Note how in this case the groupings no longer matter, and I just listed them all out.

 

[Tarheel]

Don't forget the apostrophe-s after "master"!! It's "master's degree".

This is a shibboleth: people who write or say "master degree" are instantly identified as being non-native English speakers.

I have seen it spelled both ways in the same paragraph.

 

[bubbha]

I have seen it spelled both ways in the same paragraph.

I have too, but not when written by a native speaker. There is also the possibility that it was a typo.

"master degree" simply strikes me as bad English.

On the other hand, it's correct to write "Master of Science degree".