Student who participares in university clubs

[Erbab]

I am trying to improve my writing skills for a proficiency exam,and therefore I have written this essay. If you help me to correct my mistakes, I will be greatful.

University clubs​

There is no doubt that university life has a huge influence on our life standarts. This period of our lives, of course, provides us numerous opportunities which may broaden our horizons and improve our self-confidence. University clubs may be considered as one of these opportunities. There are,therefore, some differences between those who participate in university clubs and those who do not participate in them, two of which may be regarded as career and leadership abilities.


Considering career, differences can be observed between one who participates in university clubs and one who does not participate in them. When someone applies for a job, he or she needs to show his or her qualifications to be chosen by the employer. At this stage, If the student has participated in university clubs, it probably takes employer's attention. On the other hand, If someone does not participate in university clubs, he or she maybe can not find anything which needs to be displayed. Another difference is that students who participate in university clubs can explore their abilities and therefore, they may plan their career properly. But students who do not participate in university clubs plan their career hardly. In brief, career may seem a difference between these two students' lives.


Leadership abilities may be another difference between these students. If someone can learn how to cooperate with his or her workmates, it improves his or her leadership abilities. University clubs provide students this chance to collaborate with their friends. On the other side, those who do not participate in university clubs need to improve this ability in different ways.


All in all, career and leadership abilities are believed to be two of differences between these two students. It is clear that opportunities which we meet during our lives such as university clubs maybe have a great effect on our future

 

[Erbab]

There is no mistake? Or maybe a lot of mistakes?

 

[teechar]

I am trying to improve my writing skills for a proficiency exam, and therefore, I have written this essay. If you help me to correct my mistakes, I [STRIKE]will[/STRIKE] would be [STRIKE]greatful[/STRIKE] grateful.

University clubs
​

There is no doubt that time spent at university [STRIKE]life[/STRIKE] has a huge influence on students' lives. [STRIKE]our life standarts.[/STRIKE] This period [STRIKE]of our lives[/STRIKE] , of course, provides [STRIKE]us[/STRIKE] numerous opportunities [STRIKE]which may[/STRIKE] to broaden our horizons and improve our self-confidence. University clubs may be considered as one of these opportunities. There are, therefore, some differences between those who participate in university clubs and those who do not participate in them, two of which [STRIKE]may be regarded as[/STRIKE] are career and leadership abilities.

The rest of the essay is not well written. Please refer to my corrections in your other essay, especially regarding sentence structure. Write directly and avoid overly complicated phrasing. Try again.

 

[Erbab]

Thanks for your corrections. I will keep your advices in my mind.

I have written a paragraph by making simpler sentences.

Most of students will look for a good job after they graduate from a university. At this stage, their activities in university clubs may give them a chance. For insurance, if someone has taken a part in a well-prepared project, he or she can add it to his/her resume. Thus, the employer is likely to consider him/her. On the other hand, people who does not participate in university clubs hardly prove that they have sufficient knowledge for the job.
Another difference is that students find an opportunity to understand themselves thanks to university clubs. They can realize that whether they can do this job or not. Moreover, as they have cooperate with others, their leadership abilities improve. However, for one who does not take a part in any activities, it is hard to be aware of his/her abilities. As a result, they are hardly plan their careers.

 

[emsr2d2]

Thanks for your corrections. I will keep your [STRIKE]advices[/STRIKE] advice in [STRIKE]my[/STRIKE] mind.

I have written a paragraph [STRIKE]by making[/STRIKE] using simpler sentences.

Most [STRIKE]of[/STRIKE] students will look for a good job after they graduate from [STRIKE]a[/STRIKE] university.

[STRIKE]At this stage,[/STRIKE] Their activities in university clubs [STRIKE]may[/STRIKE] [STRIKE]give them a[/STRIKE] help their chances of being successful.

For [STRIKE]insurance[/STRIKE] example, if someone has [STRIKE]taken a part[/STRIKE] been involved in a [STRIKE]well-prepared[/STRIKE] successful project, [STRIKE]he or she[/STRIKE] they can add it to [STRIKE]his/her[/STRIKE] their résumé.

[STRIKE]Thus,[/STRIKE] That might make the employer [STRIKE]is[/STRIKE] more likely to consider [STRIKE]him/her[/STRIKE] them.
[STRIKE]
On the other hand,[/STRIKE] People who [STRIKE]does[/STRIKE] do not participate in university clubs can hardly prove that they have sufficient knowledge for the job. (That's smply not true. Belonging to a club has no bearing on the knowledge required to do a job.)

Another difference is that students find an opportunity to better understand themselves thanks to university clubs.

They can [STRIKE]realize[/STRIKE] work out/decide [STRIKE]that[/STRIKE] whether they can do [STRIKE]this[/STRIKE] the job or not.

Moreover, [STRIKE]as[/STRIKE] when they [STRIKE]have[/STRIKE] cooperate with others, their leadership abilities improve.

However, [STRIKE]for one who does not take a part in any activities,[/STRIKE] it is hard to be aware of [STRIKE]his/her[/STRIKE] one's abilities without taking part in such activities.

As a result, they [STRIKE]are hardly[/STRIKE] find it difficult to plan their careers.

I have corrected your paragraph above. I don't agree with the content though. In my opinion, being a member of clubs at university has very little bearing on one's chances of getting a job after university. Whilst listing one's club activities on a job application is commonly done, and it might give potential employers an insight into the personality of the applicant, what they're looking for are qualifications and a good covering letter.

I'm interested to know what sort of clubs you think might positively affect someone's chances of getting a job.

 

[Erbab]

Thanks for your corrections, I will keep them in mind. It broadens my horizon.

I need to say that I do not try to find good ideas when I am writing an essay like this. I just try to use correct sentences and connect them to each other properly. However, I think that some sort of clubs might help someone's chance of getting a job. Especially engineering students can benefit from some clubs thanks to which they can learn about aviation, otomotive, electronic, etc by practicing. For example, a club concentrating on automobiles may give someone a chance to involve in a manufacturing process of a car. Moreover, students can take part in a competition conducted by companies or scientific instutions. Some companies hold competitions at a regular basis. Thus, they can find promising students to employ. In brief, syllabus of engineering education includes a lot of theorical knowledge. Therefore, sometimes only university clubs can provide them an opportunity of developing more useful skills.