Please help me to check if there some mistake, thank you so much

[xuongrongxin]

Please help me to check if there some mistake, thank you so much. This is the story I translate from Vietnamese to English, but I'm not good at English so much, so I affraid there still some mistake. Please help me. Thank you.

The Untold story of Sleeping Beauty ( part 2)
Once time got by, the little lovely Princess now being already 12 years old, becoming a very gorgeous lady. At this moment 3 Good Fairies already bring the Princess to live with the King and Queen. The Princess always wearing the speacial cloak that was spelled of protection out of the Evil Fairy.
However, what will be, will be. One day with overcast sky, the Princess wandered about into the forest that she had lived as a child. Then she suddenly saw an old woman with a spindle, diligently spinning her flax. Since first time seeing a spindle, the lovely Princess was so curious and interested.She came near and asked the old woman for permission to play with the strangle wheel. Then all of a sudden, she pricked her finger on the needle of the spinning wheel. In that very moment she slowly fell back, and lay in a deep sleep. At this time, the mysterious old woman was reverting to true appearance as the Evil Fairy that cursed the Princess. The Evil fairy left jauntiness, leave the Princess sleep in the forest.
As time gone by, the Princess’ old brother as the King and the Queen commanded, came all the way just to find little sister. Finally, he came to that forest and found the Princess. The Prince step down off the horse, approached and hold the Princess’ hand to wake her up. As the miracle of the divine affection of the family love, the Princess awoke. Now she has dissolved the curse of the dark Fairy. She took off the robe of three Good Fairies, confidently shone brightly like the dawn in the most splendid dress of the designer Alice.
She slowly stepped out of the forest with light shining everywhere following her every step in the melody of the classic song "You Are My Sunshine". All create a beautiful fairy scene, closing a meaningful story about deep affection. That is the most beautiful thing that awakens and guides every person, every children on the journey to adulthood.
The story end here. See you in the next fascinating stories…

 

[emsr2d2]

Please help me [STRIKE]to check[/STRIKE] by checking if there are [STRIKE]some[/STRIKE] any mistakes. Thank you so much. This is [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] a story I translated from Vietnamese to English, but I'm not very good at English [STRIKE]so much,[/STRIKE] so I'm afraid there are still some mistakes. [STRIKE]Please help me. Thank you.[/STRIKE] Unnecessary. You already said both things earlier in your post.

Welcome to the forum. :hi:

I don't have time to check your story at the moment but I have made corrections to the opening of your post above.

 

[tedmc]

I have two comments for a start:

1. The tenses in the first paragraph are rather confusing with the present and continuous used. The subsequent paragraphs are in the past tense.

2. The princess did not live with the king and queen until she was twelve years old when the "Three Good Fairies" brought her to live with them. I thought the beginning of the story is rather strange without telling who the princess lived with before she turned twelve and why she was separated from her parents.