a request

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ziawj2

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I wrote a message to my landlord. Could you help me check it to make it natural? Thank you.
March 7, 2013


Dear Mrs. XXX,


I am writing to bring you attention to the problem that the telephone in your apartment did not work when I intended to use it after I moved into the house. I hope you can repair it as soon as possible. I am free tomorrow. Please inform me of your repairing in advance.

Yours sincerely,


Jane
 

emsr2d2

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I wrote a message to my landlord. Could you help me check it to make it natural? Thank you.
March 7, 2013


Dear Mrs. XXX,


I am writing to bring your attention to the [STRIKE]problem[/STRIKE] fact that the telephone in [STRIKE]your[/STRIKE] my apartment [STRIKE]did[/STRIKE] does not work. [STRIKE]when I intended to use it after I moved into the house.[/STRIKE] [STRIKE]I hope you can[/STRIKE] Please repair it as soon as possible. Please let me know when you will be coming to repair it. If it is any help, I am free tomorrow. [STRIKE]Please inform me of your repairing in advance[/STRIKE].
​I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours [STRIKE]sincerely,[/STRIKE]


Jane

You have addressed the letter to Mrs XXXX - some people will say that means you are writing to your "landlady". However, "landlord" is a perfectly acceptable all-encompassing term for someone who owns a property and rents it to someone else.

Refer to the apartment as "my apartment" - even though Mrs XXX is the owner, you are the one living there and using all the facilities.

I'm not sure what you meant by "when I intended to use it after I moved into the house". It is clear that you would expect a telephone in your apartment to actually work.

"Yours sincerely" is overly formal. Given the brevity of the letter, I think "Yours" is sufficient.
 
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5jj

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"Yours sincerely" is overly formal (and given that the greeting is "Dear Mrs XXX", "yours faithfully" would be the appropriate ending.
I don't agree. If we are using formal salutations and closures, then it's 'Dear Sir/Madam ..... Yours faithfully' or 'Dear Mr/Ms/Mrs/Miss/Dr Postule / Dear Pate ..... Yours sincerely' in British English.
 

emsr2d2

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I don't agree. If we are using formal salutations and closures, then it's 'Dear Sir/Madam ..... Yours faithfully' or 'Dear Mr/Ms/Mrs/Miss/Dr Postule / Dear Pate ..... Yours sincerely' in British English.

I have no idea where my brain went on that post. I'm well aware of the rule and frequently remind people that "Sir/Madam" goes with "Yours faithfully" and "Mr/Mrs XXX" goes with "Yours sincerely".
 

ziawj2

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My student wrote:
Because I have to tell my friends that I’m safety arriving.I hope that you can fix the telephone for me.

I don't think the word 'Because' is needed, and I think the sentence is not natural, so I made some changes. What do you think of the changes?

I want to tell my friends I settled down safely, so I hope you can have it fixed for me.
 

emsr2d2

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My student wrote:
Because I have to tell my friends that I’m safety arriving.I hope that you can fix the telephone for me.

I don't think the word 'Because' is needed, and I think the sentence is not natural, so I made some changes. What do you think of the changes?

I want to tell my friends I settled down safely, so I hope you can have it fixed for me.

I want to let my friends know that I have settled in OK, so I hope you can get the phone fixed as soon as possible.
 

Rover_KE

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I'd butter her up a bit.

I want to let my friends know that I have settled in OK and have a very obliging landlady, so I hope you can get the phone fixed as soon as possible.
 

ziawj2

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I'd butter her up a bit.

I want to let my friends know that I have settled in OK and have a very obliging landlady, so I hope you can get the phone fixed as soon as possible.
:)
 

konungursvia

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I have no idea where my brain went on that post. I'm well aware of the rule and frequently remind people that "Sir/Madam" goes with "Yours faithfully" and "Mr/Mrs XXX" goes with "Yours sincerely".

I don't think that sort of rule matters a whit these days, in any case. ;)
 
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