Alice wanted to buy an expensive

[Bassim]

Have I made any mistakes?

Alice wanted to buy an expensive designer bag, but her husband, Bob, was not enthusiastic.
"Five hundred pounds for something you can buy for fifty! I didn't know you've become so vain," Bob said.
"It's my money, I can spend it as I wish," she said.
"Of course, you can. Go and buy it, but don't come to me in a couple of weeks to tell me you've been robbed on the street. Don't you remember that mugger we read about in the newspapers who attacked people with "Rolex" watches, beating them to a pulp until he got what he wanted.

 

[teechar]

I didn't know you've become so vain," Bob said.

Tenses.

"It's my money, I can spend it as I wish," she said.

Punctuation.

Don't you remember that mugger we read about in the newspapers who attacked [tense] people with [Was he using the watches as a weapon? ;-)] "Rolex" watches, beating them to a pulp until he got what he wanted.

Punctuation.

 

[Bassim]

Would these sentences be OK?

1. "I didn't know you had become so vain," Bob said.
2. "It's my money; I can spend it as I wish," she said.
3. "Don't you remember that mugger we read about in the newspapers, who had attacked people to snatch their "Rolex" watches, beating them to a pulp until he got what he had wanted.

 

[teechar]

Would these sentences be OK?
1. "I didn't know you had become so vain," Bob said.

Yes, or you could have used the contraction "you'd" instead of "you had".

2. "It's my money; I can spend it as I wish," she said.

OK.

3. "Don't you remember that mugger we read about in the newspapers, who had attacked people to snatch their "Rolex" watches, beating them to a pulp until he got what he had wanted.

Or "Don't you remember that mugger we read about in the newspapers who's been attacking [STRIKE]attacked[/STRIKE] people [STRIKE]with[/STRIKE] for their Rolex watches, beating them to a pulp until he got what he wanted?

By the way, is there a particular reason to put quotes around Rolex?

 

[Bassim]

teechar,

Thank you again for your corrections.
There is no reason for the quotes around Rolex​.

 

[Tdol]

How about modifying enthusiastic in some way?

 

[Bassim]

Would it be OK to write this?

"but her husband, Bob, was less keen."

 

[teechar]

less keen."

That's fine too. However, do you know which adverbs commonly modify "enthusiastic" in the above context?

 

[Bassim]

I believe the adverbs "less" and "hardly" could be used in the above context.

 

[teechar]

And which ones would you use with "not" in there?

 

[Bassim]

I would say "Bob was not particularly enthusiastic" or "not terribly enthusiastic."

 

[teechar]

Yes, those work as well as, for example, "overly", "highly", "very", "especially", "particularly" and "terribly".

 

[Tarheel]

You might also try:

Bob was cool to the idea.

Or:

He was unhappy about it.

Or:

He really didn't like it.

There are a million ways to say it.