hatimhussain
Banned
- Joined
- Dec 11, 2006
- Member Type
- Student or Learner
- Native Language
- Urdu
- Home Country
- Pakistan
- Current Location
- Pakistan
I have fabricated the following story to find out my mistakes in;
Please guide me.
PART-II
1. Another change occurred in Robert. Ever punctual, Robert would now visit the company for only couple of days in a week.
2. He would not call anyone in his chamber, not even Tony whom he used to call, once he got to the company to discuss the day plan.
3. Tony, would not know at what time Robert came and left the office.
4. Tony was anxious to talk to Robert about company’s affairs which were getting worse due to his inattention.
5. But he could not gather courage in himself to bear further humiliation by his boss.
6. “I merely am an employee of this company, not a business-partner, to discuss such vital issues.” He comforted himself.
7.One morning, while Tony was about to enter the company’s gate, he heard Robert calling him from behind. Sitting in his car, he beckoned Tony.
8. Nature itself provided him a chance to unfold the mystery behind sudden transformation in Robert’s character.
9. Tony rushed towards Robert’s car. Robert opened the front door for Tony to sit beside him.
10. Tony was shocked to see Robert’s pale and shriveled face. He looked older than his age.
11. Sunk down onto his car’s seat, Robert looked terribly sick. He could not believe his eyes to see such a collapse in Robert’s health.
12.Robert stared at the windscreen for a few moments and then turned towards Tony.
13. “Let me confess that I am guilty of insulting you and other workers’ feelings. Please forgive me and convey my apologies to all the workers”;
saying this he reclined in his seat. He was gasping while saying those words.
14. Robert’s trembling voice pierced through Tony’s heart. His teary eyes were signaling something ominous.
15. “Forget about what you did with us, just please tell me what has happened with you; maybe I could help you”, said Tony.
16. “I have been diagnosed with… blood cancer”- he got a lump in his throat while saying those words. “It has spread throughout my body… and doctors say I can hardly survive for two to three months.”
TO BE CONTINUED...
- The usage of tenses.
- The usage of vocabulary
- Orderliness
Please guide me.
PART-II
1. Another change occurred in Robert. Ever punctual, Robert would now visit the company for only couple of days in a week.
2. He would not call anyone in his chamber, not even Tony whom he used to call, once he got to the company to discuss the day plan.
3. Tony, would not know at what time Robert came and left the office.
4. Tony was anxious to talk to Robert about company’s affairs which were getting worse due to his inattention.
5. But he could not gather courage in himself to bear further humiliation by his boss.
6. “I merely am an employee of this company, not a business-partner, to discuss such vital issues.” He comforted himself.
7.One morning, while Tony was about to enter the company’s gate, he heard Robert calling him from behind. Sitting in his car, he beckoned Tony.
8. Nature itself provided him a chance to unfold the mystery behind sudden transformation in Robert’s character.
9. Tony rushed towards Robert’s car. Robert opened the front door for Tony to sit beside him.
10. Tony was shocked to see Robert’s pale and shriveled face. He looked older than his age.
11. Sunk down onto his car’s seat, Robert looked terribly sick. He could not believe his eyes to see such a collapse in Robert’s health.
12.Robert stared at the windscreen for a few moments and then turned towards Tony.
13. “Let me confess that I am guilty of insulting you and other workers’ feelings. Please forgive me and convey my apologies to all the workers”;
saying this he reclined in his seat. He was gasping while saying those words.
14. Robert’s trembling voice pierced through Tony’s heart. His teary eyes were signaling something ominous.
15. “Forget about what you did with us, just please tell me what has happened with you; maybe I could help you”, said Tony.
16. “I have been diagnosed with… blood cancer”- he got a lump in his throat while saying those words. “It has spread throughout my body… and doctors say I can hardly survive for two to three months.”
TO BE CONTINUED...