An incident in a desert, part one

Bassim

VIP Member
Joined
Mar 1, 2008
Member Type
Student or Learner
Native Language
Bosnian
Home Country
Bosnia Herzegovina
Current Location
Sweden
Would you please correct my mistakes in the first part of my text? I have written it in a form of a newspaper article.

An older man who once had been the prime minister of a western European country was found by a group of Bedouins in a desert in Egypt. The man, who we can call Mr B, had been dehydrated, disoriented, and was speaking incoherently and incomprehensively. After a while, when he recovered in hospital, he told the doctors an incredible story. He and his wife went to Egypt to celebrate their golden wedding. They had thought that a journey across a desert would be the unforgettable experience for a couple who shared fifty years of their lives together.

The start was promising. The endless dunes of sand, the blazing sun, the wind, and the languid movements of the camels had a soothing effect. They enjoyed the starry nights, sitting around an open fire, where they drank sweet mint tea and listened to the camel drivers singing old songs and telling legends and fairy tales in which everything was possible. They felt like children again, sleeping under a tent, while the desert winds tore at the tent walls and cords.

Once, Mr B noticed his wife kissing one of the drivers. The man was young and could have been her grandchild. He didn’t pay much attention to what he had seen, and was not sure if the picture was not created by the hot air and the fatigue. He knew that a Fata Morgana was a usual occurrence in a desert, and people could see all kinds of things and images.

Another night he awoke in his tent to find an empty sleeping pad. He went outside and, as he walked around, he heard some voices behind the dunes. He believed he recognized his wife’s laugh, but didn’t dare to go further to find out if his hearing was true for fear of scorpions and insects. He went back to the tent and lay awake until she returned. She was dishevelled, sweaty and smelled of cigarette smoke. He pretended to be asleep and didn’t have audacity to ask her what she had been doing for fear of causing an argument. His wife has a vicious temper and Mr B would not risk being beaten up by her in this desolate place without bodyguards and access to medical help.
TO BE CONTINUED
 

teechar

Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Feb 18, 2015
Member Type
English Teacher
Native Language
English
Home Country
Iraq
Current Location
Iraq
Would you please correct my mistakes in the first part of my text? I have written it in the form of a newspaper article.

An older man who once had been the prime minister of a western European country was found (wandering) by a group of Bedouins in a desert in Egypt. The man, who we can call Mr B, [STRIKE]had been[/STRIKE] was dehydrated, disoriented, and [STRIKE]was[/STRIKE] speaking incoherently and incomprehensibly. After a while, when he recovered in hospital, he told the doctors an incredible story. He and his wife [STRIKE]went[/STRIKE] had gone/traveled to Egypt to celebrate their golden wedding anniversary. They [STRIKE]had[/STRIKE] thought that a [STRIKE]journey across a[/STRIKE] holiday in the desert would be [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] an unforgettable experience for a couple who shared fifty years of their lives together.

The start was promising. The endless dunes of sand, the blazing sun, the wind, and the languid movements of the camels had a soothing effect. They enjoyed the starry nights, sitting around an open fire, where they drank sweet mint tea and listened to the camel drivers singing old songs and telling legends and fairy tales in which everything was possible. They felt like children again, sleeping under a tent, while the desert winds tore at the tent walls and cords.

[STRIKE]Once,[/STRIKE] However one night, Mr B noticed his wife kissing one of the drivers. The man was young [STRIKE]and could have been[/STRIKE] young enough to be her grandson. [STRIKE]child.[/STRIKE] He didn’t pay much attention to what he saw, [STRIKE]had seen,[/STRIKE] and was not sure if he was just imagining things due to [STRIKE]the picture was not created by the hot air[/STRIKE] the heat of the desert and the fatigue he felt. He knew that a Fata Morgana [consider "mirage" instead.] was not an unusual phenomenon [STRIKE]usual occurrence[/STRIKE] in a desert, and people could [STRIKE] see [/STRIKE] imagine all kinds of things as a result. [STRIKE]and images.[/STRIKE]

Another night, he awoke in his tent (only) to find his wife's sleeping bag [STRIKE]an[/STRIKE] empty. [STRIKE]sleeping pad.[/STRIKE] He went outside and, as he walked around, he heard some voices behind the dunes. He believed he recognized his wife’s laugh, but didn’t dare to go further to find out [STRIKE]if his hearing was true for fear[/STRIKE] as he was afraid of scorpions and insects. He went back to the tent and lay awake until she returned. She was dishevelled, sweaty and smelled of cigarette smoke. He pretended to be asleep and didn’t have the courage [STRIKE]audacity[/STRIKE] to ask her what she had been doing for fear of causing an argument. His wife has a vicious temper, and Mr B would not risk being beaten up by her in this desolate place without bodyguards and access to medical help.
TO BE CONTINUED
.
 
Top