An Indonesian Movie: The Doll2

Gaya87

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Hi, can you please check the following sentences? Thank you.

Long Summary
Grief of losing an only daughter in a car accident is what drives Maira irrational. She thinks she might still feel her deceased daughter around, but her husband, Aldo doesn’t believe her. The grief coupled up with guilt and sense of abandonment by her distant husband leads Maira to do the unthinkable—summoning her daughter’s spirit into her favorite doll, Sabrina, and brings along the plagues that take no time in engulfing the family.

Short Summary
A couple who devastated after losing their only child resort into obsessive act that can dangerously threatening their own life.
 

emsr2d2

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Hi, can you please check the following sentences? Thank you.

Long Summary
The grief of losing [STRIKE]an[/STRIKE] her only daughter in a car accident is what [STRIKE]drives[/STRIKE] makes Maira irrational. She thinks she [STRIKE]might[/STRIKE] can still feel her deceased daughter around (no comma here) but her husband, Aldo, doesn’t believe her. The grief, coupled [STRIKE]up[/STRIKE] with guilt and a sense of abandonment by her distant husband, leads Maira to do the unthinkable—summoning her daughter’s spirit into her favorite doll, Sabrina, [STRIKE]and[/STRIKE] which brings [STRIKE]along[/STRIKE] about the plagues that [STRIKE]take no time in[/STRIKE] quickly/rapidly [STRIKE]engulfing[/STRIKE] engulf the family.

Short Summary
A couple, [STRIKE]who[/STRIKE] devastated after losing their only child, resort [STRIKE]into[/STRIKE] to an obsessive act that can dangerously [STRIKE]threatening[/STRIKE] threaten their own [STRIKE]life[/STRIKE] lives.

See my changes above. I'm not keen on the use of "the plagues". Did it actually cause a plague? A plague of what? Locusts? Spiders? Did they all fall ill with the Black Death (commonly referred to as "The Plague")?

The summaries don't match. In the first, you suggest that it's only Maira who resorts to the act of summoning her daughter's spirit. The second suggests that both she and her husband were involved.
 

Gaya87

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Tamil
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India
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Malaysia
See my changes above. I'm not keen on the use of "the plagues". Did it actually cause a plague? A plague of what? Locusts? Spiders? Did they all fall ill with the Black Death (commonly referred to as "The Plague")?

The summaries don't match. In the first, you suggest that it's only Maira who resorts to the act of summoning her daughter's spirit. The second suggests that both she and her husband were involved.

I think I chose the wrong word “ the plagues”, it is not suitable after your explanation. Can I say as: which brings the strange phenomena that quickly engulf the family. Or, which brings about the sinister that quickly engulf the family.

I have re-write the short summary to match with long summary.
When a mother loses her only daughter, she begins to experience terrifying supernatural occurrences from her daughter’s favourite doll, Sabrina.
 

emsr2d2

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Jul 28, 2009
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English Teacher
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British English
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I think I chose the wrong words when I used “the plagues”; it is not suitable after your explanation. Can I say [STRIKE]as:[/STRIKE] "which brings about the strange phenomena that quickly engulf the family" [STRIKE]Or,[/STRIKE] or "which brings about the sinister events that quickly engulf the family"?

I have re-written the short summary to match [STRIKE]with[/STRIKE] the long summary.
When a mother loses her only daughter, she begins to experience terrifying supernatural occurrences [STRIKE]from[/STRIKE] through her daughter’s favourite doll, Sabrina.

See above.

In the new short summary, you've lost the point about Maira bringing about those supernatural occurrences herself by summoning the spirit.
 
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