[Essay] Another way to begin an introductory paragraph?

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megannnftw

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Well, I have been out of high school for about three years now and have only had about a semester more of college schooling since then which did not include an english course. So, needless to say, I'm a little rusty when it comes to writing essays. At this point in my life, I'd like to apply to an LPN program which requires me to write an essay on why I want to be a nurse. I would like to start my essay by saying something along the lines of: "Being the daughter of both a doctor and a nurse, I have been surrounded by health care my whole life."

But to me, this sounds sloppy and uneducated. I'm not sure if it's okay to start an introductory paragraph with the word "being" or if this sentence even sounds grammatically correct. Help me please!
 

Rover_KE

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welcome to the forum, Megan.:-D

Consider "As the daughter of both a doctor and a nurse, I have been conscious of health care my whole life."

Rover
 

megannnftw

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Wow, it sounds so simple now! Thanks a lot, Rover!
 

Rover_KE

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You're welcome.

Your own effort was neither sloppy nor uneducated — just a little clunky.
 
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