[Essay] ...consumed by his thoughts...

[rodgers white]

Hi there. Would you please proofread the following text? Any help would be appreciated.

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Two days after Gan and his entourage left, Yang, Rui and Meili, were able to exit their home and head over the mountains to the hunters’ cave. Yang found Gan’s journal, which he read many times, Rui and Meili read it too. All of them were surprised by Gan’s final entry at the very back of the journal where Gan had mentioned Rui and Meili’s future as told to him by Lanhua, but that’s another story.

Gan was not very talkative for a time, not so much withdrawn as consumed by his thoughts. Jingying gave him some space for a while, allowing him to process his feelings in his own way. Then, bit by bit, she brought him out of it with a few simple conversations. Gan was soon back to his usual self. Well, maybe not totally, but close enough.

 

[TheParser]

Two days after Gan and his entourage left, Yang, Rui and Meili, were able to exit their home and head over the mountains to the hunters’ cave. Yang found Gan’s journal, which he read many times, Rui and Meili read it too.

NOT A TEACHER

May I start the ball rolling? ( = May I be the first to answer you? Others will soon follow with their thoughts.)

1. There should be no comma after the name "Meili."

2. In the second sentence, you have committed what one calls a comma splice.

a. You can write: "Yang found Gan's journal, which he read many times, and Rui and Meili read it too" or "Yang found Gan's journal, which he read many times. Rui and Meili read it too."