[Essay] Could you give me advices for my essay?

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Hiepnh

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Many children are forced to stay at school and study subjects that will be of little value to them in the future. These children may disrupt the education of the majority and should be allowed to leave school early to find a themselves a job.
What are your views?


Allowing children to leave school early to find themselves a job has benefits for their future. However, if they leave school early, it’ll hard for them to study and develop many skills or knowledge which can be learned from school. In addition, high salary jobs can not be got when children leave school early. Because of these, I think that children should not leave school early.
First of all, the school is a good place for children to learn and promote their essential skills such as communication skill, skill of managing work. Firsly, through stay at school, children can communicate with many people such as friends, teachers. It is easy for them to get high position in society and good relationships in future with the excellent communication. Secondly, from finish homeworks, children learn how to manage time and works well. It is a valuable skill to finish all of works the best. For example, Mr Obama is a well-communicating and well-managing person
Besides, the knowledge brought to children by subject is not redundant. Science subjects help children understand natural phemonas. This knowledge will be useful for children in some cases. Moreover, Social or history subjects bring children knowledge to develop their good behaviors and experiences. With good behaviors, children will have better and happier life. Also, language subject create children a huge source of essential vocabulary and method of writing more academic and better.
Last but not least, in a competitive labour market, it is very hard for children to develop career or get good salary job when they leave school early. All of good jobs require skill and knowledge from candidates. Skill and knowledge of children can not develop completely enough to satisfy these requirements if they leave school early in their majority.
In conclusion, children should stay at school more and not think some subjects are useless. Furthermore, children should not leave shool early to find themselves a job. Skills and knowledge for future jobs can be easily got from school.


Could you give me advices for my essay? Thank you :)
 

emsr2d2

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When will you submit this essay to your teacher/tutor?
 

DavidJones

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Hi,

I just took a quick look at the essay and corrected some spelling and punctuation for you.

corrected version deleted.
5jj
 
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5jj

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@DavidJones

Your desire to help is appreciated, but there were far too
many mistakes left in the corrected version for it to be helpful. If we are going to correct, we need to correct all the mistakes we find. If time is short, it is acceptable to work on just part of the text - and make it clear which part - but not to correct some mistakes and leave others.

5jj
 
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Barb_D

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We have since learned that David was using his software program and not actually applying a human eye.
 
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5jj

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We have since learned that David was using his software program and not actually applying a human eye.
Which shows us once again that programs such as this cannot yet be relied on.
 
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