Diary - I've just come back from a bowling centre

[Maybo]

This is an entry from my diary. Please check it and correct any mistakes.

I've just come back from a bowling centre and I had some fun. The last time I went bowling was ten years ago with my classmates and I did quite well. This time I didn't get any strike. My best record was hitting nine pins. After the game, my mum told me her arm was relaxed so next time she would like to use another arm to go bowling.

 

[emsr2d2]

I've just come back from a bowling centre bowling and I had some [a lot o] fun. The last time I went bowling was ten years ago with my classmates and I did quite well. This time I didn't get any strikes. My best record score was hitting nine. pins. After the game, my mum told me her arm was relaxed so next time she would like to use another arm to go bowling.

See above. I don't know what you mean by a "relaxed" arm! Do you mean she thought her arm was too weak for bowling?

 

[Maybo]

See above. I don't know what you mean by a "relaxed" arm! Do you mean she thought her arm was too weak for bowling?

She said she had been a feeling of cramp in her arms. After the game, the feeling disappeared and she felt relaxed in her arm.

 

[emsr2d2]

She said she had been a feeling of had cramp in her arm. s. After the game, the feeling disappeared and she her arm felt relaxed. in her arm.

None of that is clear from the original. Your version suggests that she said her arm had been relaxed while bowling! Try to write the final sentence again, incorporating all the relevant information.

 

[Maybo]

None of that is clear from the original. Your version suggests that she said her arm had been relaxed while bowling! Try to write the final sentence again, incorporating all the relevant information.

My mum had had cramp in her arm. After the game, she told me her arm had relax. Next time she would like to use another arm to go bowling because she thinks it could relax another arm.

 

[emsr2d2]

My mum had had cramp in her arm. After the game, she told me her arm had relaxed. Next time, she would like to use bowl with another arm to go bowling because she thinks it could relax another arm.

How many arms does your mum have?! I think you meant "the other" both times. When there are just two things, one is one and the second is the other. Use "another" or "a different" for three things or more.
I'll be impressed if she manages to bowl effectively with her other arm. Most people aren't ambidextrous. I'm right-handed and I'm pretty sure that trying to bowl left-handed would be a complete disaster.

 

[Tarheel]

I'm not really a good bowler, but if tried it left-handed I would be awful.

 

[tedmc]

How about:
Your mum over-exerted her arm and had muscle cramp while bowling. Her arm felt better (not "relaxed") at the end of the game. Next time, she would try using the other arm to bowl to see if it is better and doesn't cramp (not "relax the arm") like the first one.

 

[Maybo]

How about:
Your mum over-exerted her arm and had muscle cramp while bowling. Her arm felt better (not "relaxed") at the end of the game. Next time, she would try using the other arm to bowl to see if it is better and doesn't cramp (not "relax the arm") like the first one

Before bowling, she already had cramp. After bowling she felt better. She thinks going bowling relaxes her arm so she wants to bowl with the other arm next time and relax it.

 

[tedmc]

Before bowling, she already had cramp. After bowling she felt better. She thinks going bowling relaxes her arm so she wants to bowl with the other arm next time and relax it.

Oh, okay, so I have misundertood Maybo but I am still puzzled as to how bowling can help relax one's arms.

 

[Maybo]

Oh, okay, so I have misundertood Maybo but I am still puzzled as to how bowling can help relax one's arms.

I don’t know. Maybe it’s a kind of stretching.

 

[emsr2d2]

Before bowling, she already had cramp. After bowling she felt better. She thinks going bowling relaxes her arm so she wants to bowl with the other arm next time and relax it.

That's an unusual situation but if that's what happened, then OK!

 

[Tarheel]

Before bowling, she already had A cramp. After bowling she felt better. She thinks going bowling relaxes her arm so she wants to bowl with the other arm next time and relax it.

Ah, that kind of makes sense. Maybe she could take turns -- right, left, right, left.

 

[Amigos4]

Ah, that kind of makes sense. Maybe she could take turns -- right, left, right, left.

I prefer using both hands at the same time! My ball always goes straight down the middle of the lane.