did i make any grammatical mistakes?

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Wilestino

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Joined
Aug 17, 2010
Member Type
Student or Learner
i have just written a poem but i just don't know if it is grammatically correct
would you mind to check it for me please =]

"Girl like her is hard to find and i can't get her off my mind
Hope i can turn back time with a buttom called rewind
Go back to my luckiest day which we firstly met
Review my love while things haven't got complicated yet

She might reject but i would never regret
At worst i would just get my eyes wet
Already fallen for her during our first talk
just dare not enough as if a baby has no guts to walk

Making jokes on stages and reading books with thousands of pages
just dare not to say the three epic wors even for ages
Saying you belongs with him was the biggest lie
Regret trying to evade you as i said the word goodbye

Time, let it rewind or just make it faster
back to the day i was still not the shy bastard
Boost up my courage to make her mine
Dump my fear and and taste her lips of wine

Destiny might be the on tied you and i together
met you by accident but the relaionship kept going further
Comforting each other tragedy by tragedy
Impressing you from my poems to each of my live comedy

Sometimes my efforts are ignored as young Picaso's art
Some days for some reasons we were torn apart
Cupid is with me telling me not to give up
Stive for the best as Bekham fights for the word cup

Would rather wait her for the rest of my life
Than regret even after my death not to ask you for being my wife
When the time comes, the three epic words will be said
And i will either live happily ever after or just need some first aid"

thanks for your Patience =]
 

aous02

Member
Joined
Apr 20, 2007
Member Type
Student or Learner
Native Language
Arabic
Home Country
Tunisia
Current Location
Tunisia
Did i make any grammatical mistake[STRIKE]s[/STRIKE]?
i have just written a poem but i just don't know if it is grammatically correct
would you mind to check it for me please =]

"A Girl like her is hard to find and I can't get her off my mind
Hope I can turn back time with a buttom called rewind
Go back to my luckiest day [STRIKE]which[/STRIKE] when we first[STRIKE]ly[/STRIKE] met
[STRIKE]Review[/STRIKE] (Reflect on/contemplate/ look back at/ etc) my love while things haven't got complicated yet

She might reject but i would never regret
At worst i would just get my eyes wet
Already fallen for her during our first talk
just dare not enough as if a baby has no guts to walk

Making jokes on stages and reading books with thousands of pages
just dare not to say the three epic words even for ages
Saying you belong[STRIKE]s[/STRIKE] [STRIKE]with[/STRIKE] to him was the biggest lie
Regret trying to evade you as i said the word goodbye

Time, let it rewind or just make it faster
back to the day i was still not the shy bastard
Boost up my courage to make her mine
Dump my fear and and taste her lips of wine

Destiny might be the on tied you and i together !!
Met you by accident, but the relaionship kept going further
Comforting each other tragedy by tragedy
Impressing you from my poems to each of my live comedy

Sometimes my efforts are ignored as young Picaso's art
Some days for some reasons we were torn apart
Cupid is with me telling me not to give up
Stive for the best as Bekham fights for the word cup

Would rather wait her for the rest of my life
Than regret even after my death not to ask you for being my wife
When the time comes, the three epic words will be said
And i will either live happily ever after or just need some first aid"

thanks for your Patience =]

Well, grammaticality is not necessary when writing poetry, But only real poets are usually allowed to violate the rules of language. I've just corrected some of the mistakes. Overall, you can take somemore time improving the poem, not only in terms of grammar, but also in terms of imagery, structure, meanings, etc
Regards
 
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