Does this sentence make sense? Thanks.

[heyuting]

Does this sentence make sense? Thanks.

"Steve Jobs’ 2005 Stanford Commencement Address has encouraged millions of young people; many of them wanted to get advice from Steve Jobs, even Google co-founder Larry Page once paid a visit to Steve Jobs to consult how to create innovative products."

 

[Raymott]

Does this sentence make sense? Thanks.

"Steve Jobs’ 2005 Stanford Commencement Address has encouraged millions of young people, many of whom wanted to get advice from Jobs. Even Google co-founder Larry Page once paid a visit to [STRIKE]Steve Jobs[/STRIKE] him to consult him about how to create innovative products."

No, it's not a valid sentence. It is valid with the corrections.
I'd suggest that you don't have to use Steve Jobs' name every time you want to refer to Steve Jobs. Steve Jobs' name becomes intrusive and you can refer to Steve Jobs in other ways.

 

[heyuting]

Ok, thanks.

No, it's not a valid sentence. It is valid with the corrections.
I'd suggest that you don't have to use Steve Jobs' name every time you want to refer to Steve Jobs. Steve Jobs' name becomes intrusive and you can refer to Steve Jobs in other ways.