"...for you to bring them to life"

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backonstage

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Hello,
I have come up with a blessing that shall be written on a special gift for a friend. However, I am uncertain about a construction in my very first sentence. It goes like this:

"May all time the sunlight kiss you awake
From dreams full of newborn melodies
For you to bring them to life.
"

The words in question are marked bold.

What I want to say is: "...so that you can bring them to life" or "...because it is your mission to bring them to life".

Does the above sentence mean anything like that? And is it grammatically correct?
 
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Grumpy

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Re: Is this expression correct? (couldn't find better title for this post)

Hello,
I have come up with a blessing that shall be written on a special gift for a friend. However, I am uncertain about a construction in my very first sentence. It goes like this:

"May [STRIKE]all time[/STRIKE] the sunlight always kiss you awake
From dreams full of newborn melodies
[STRIKE]For you to bring them[/STRIKE] That you will bring to life.
"

The words in question are marked bold.

What I want to say is: "...so that you can bring them to life" or "...because it is your mission to bring them to life".

Does the above sentence mean anything like that? And is it grammatically correct?


How about that?
 

backonstage

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Oops, the "all time" version (1st line) was a very old version, sorry (copy+pasted it mistakenly).

Well, 3rd line "that you will bring to life" is not exactly the meaning I was going for. It shall imply that the person has both the potential and the mission/taks to bring those dreams/melodies alive... Ok, one could argue that "newborn" melodies are already alive as I've just declared them "newborn" on line before, but that's not the question right now ;)
 

bhaisahab

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Oops, the "all time" version (1st line) was a very old version, sorry (copy+pasted it mistakenly).

Well, 3rd line "that you will bring to life" is not exactly the meaning I was going for. It shall imply that the person has both the potential and the mission/taks to bring those dreams/melodies alive... Ok, one could argue that "newborn" melodies are already alive as I've just declared them "newborn" on line before, but that's not the question right now ;)

"For you to bring to life."
 

backonstage

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So, is my version wrong then?
Or somehow "bad"?


other way to express it, might be:
"So/For you shall bring them to life"
 

emsr2d2

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Which you may bring to life.
To which you may give life.

How about those? They encompass both the possibility of "may" (commonly used to mean "might") and also the ability and permission to do so.
 

backonstage

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Thank you. There have been quite a number of useful options that I could use to be "on the safe side" :)

However, I'd still like to know whether my original version was wrong or right.
 

Rover_KE

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It's wrong. The word 'them' makes it wrong.

Compare:

'I made some sandwiches for you to take [STRIKE]them[/STRIKE] to school.'

Bhai gave you that in post #4.

Rover
 
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