I am in desperate . Please help!

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Jun 4, 2010
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Student or Learner
I have to write 4 paragraphs , 1 is in comparative style and the other one is in opinion style. Could you explain for me what was my mistake in these below attempted paragraphs.The first one that I have to write in a comparative style paragraph.

1. These are four differences and similarities in characters of Emily and Obasan,who represent two different Japanese women in the story. The first different characters between them are “One lives in sound, the other in stone” (33).While Obasan's language remains deeply underground .However, Aunt Emily, BA, MA, is a word warrior. She's a crusader.....a Bachelor of Advanced Activists. The second different characters between them are Obasan is a submissive person while Aunt Emily, in contrast, is very outspoken. According to Obasan’s belief, people “live without expressing in words is one's deepest thoughts and feeling”. However, Aunt Emily When the persecution of Japanese Canadians begins in 1941, she decides to speak it out because she thinks. “If you cut any of it off you’re an amputee. Don't deny the past. Remember everything. If you're bitter, be bitter. Cry it out! Scream! Denial is gangrene."(50).The third different characters between them are while Obasan is one who represents Japanese woman that chooses to “be in a silent territory” (198). Aunt Emily she is very aggressive, she is "not like a typical Japanese woman"(36) that she should be. When the persecution of Japanese Canadians begins in 1941, Aunt Emily, along with other Nisei men and women, protests powerfully for the rest of her life. The last different characters between them is Obasan is restrain in telling Naomi the death of her mother “Obasan says nothing of it to Naomi, so that Naomi learns of the "danger" only through "whispers and frowns and too much gentleness" (73)but Aunt Emily is determine in telling the truth about the death of her mother. Although characters of Obasan and Emily represent two different Japanese women in the story, but their contrast roles make it more interesting to readers

This is the second one, which is written in an opinion style

[FONT=&quot]In my opinion, Joy Kogawa, chooses to name her novel “Obasan” for four reasons. The first reason is [/FONT][FONT=&quot]Naomi, the protagonist in this novel, has two aunts. Both of them have big impact in her life. Aya Obasan and Aunt Emily as the Japanese word for "aunt" is "Obasan”. The second reason is each "Obasan," in her own way, helps Naomi to survive the ordeal of internment, and the third reason is, as the book's title, each of this "Obasan" is Naomi's guidance during the time her mother is away. [/FONT][FONT=&quot]Aya Obasan is a quiet woman who shows great compassion in raising Naomi, but Emily Obasan is also helps Naomi finding out about the truth in mother’s death. The third reason [/FONT][FONT=&quot]is the protagonist, Naomi has the blend roots of both obasans in her blood, is in her mother side and the others is in her father side .The fourth reason is Obasan represents Canadian Japanese people which is the main theme in this novel because Aya Obasan’s thought is more like Japanese while Emily Obasan’s view is more Western like Canadian.[/FONT]

The third one I have to write in a comparative style in a paragraph too.

[FONT=&quot]1. [/FONT][FONT=&quot]I think the way that Canadian government treated Canadian Japanese in 1991 is very similar to the way North communists in Vietnam had treated fallen soldiers of South Vietnam after they won the war in 1975. First, they confiscated properties of these fallen soldiers and then they relocated these soldiers into concentration camps and forced them to work under brutal condition for a decade. While their wives and children were forced to move to the mountain areas to do farming in a terrible condition without paying. This is like Canadian Japanese working in beet farms for racist Canadian; although Canadian Japanese got paid for what they worked. The prisons in Vietnam were treat so bad that some of them had been beaten and starved to death .Part of these prisons who were lucky to survive were released from the concentration camps and allowed to immigrate to the US based on a Redress Act called "ODP" (US law)[/FONT] later in 1990 are like[FONT=&quot] the Japanese get compensation from Canadian government. However, Canadian and South Vietnam soldiers were compensated but lots of their families had been separated and their children who lost their father has been suffered most of their lives.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]4. "You have to remember," Aunt Emily said. "You are your history. If you cut any of it off you're an amputee. Don't deny the past. Remember everything. If you're bitter, be bitter. Cry it out! Scream! Denial is gangrene." (49-50). The reason that I choose this quotation is first it shows that Aunt Emily has a powerful and enthusiastic characters toward the Canadian authorities although she is just a woman in an minority ethnic .She has characters of a leader who is willing to face any obstacles without fear .Her thought is always true in any difficult situation .She represents a Japanese woman in new era that against the old tradition of Japan and it is her that made the change in Canadian history. Aunt Emily thought still has good value for the next generation to follow, never forget your roots, that is her message and that is the reason why I choose this quotation.[/FONT]
Why are you desperate? You've been asked to write four paragraphs and you've done so. It looks pretty good too on a quick inspection.
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