[Essay] I have to write introduce myself to go internship aboard help me make it correct plz

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krichpas

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My name is Krichpas Khumthanom. I am a student at King Mongkut's Institute of Technology Ladkrabang. I am studying in a bachelor’s degree in the faculty of engineering. I am 20 years old. I was born and raised in Bangkok. I have no brothers or sisters so I am the one child in family who grew up with my friend, a cat. Actually, a big white cat. It is my pet and it is a good friend to me. Moreover, I am one like someone else enjoy eating and sleeping although I am not look fat.

Actually, I don’t know what things I am going to tell you but, I have one that I am so proud of about myself that is why I want to study in the faculty of engineering. If I looked back on the way I am, why I crave for being an engineer. It started with passion about technologies and things. I always asked myself about things around me especially, an engineer always makes me feel excited how the way he invented. The more curious I am, the more I aspire to follow my predilection. So, in the middle school, I determined to study in the science and mathematics program when I were a high school student. Finally, I can get myself to study in the way I wanted and graduated with the Grade Point Average of 3.95. Although this grade may be not indicate my truly ability, it can indicate to my effort and my attention on studying. Moreover, I do not hesitated to study in the faculty of engineering in department of Computer-engineering because I strongly believe that unceasing advancement of computer can be the steppingstone to make life easier. So, I keep moving to be an engineer. Due to my attempting, finally, I got a chance to study here. All of the story I told you because I want you to know how much it means to my family and me.

Tuning to my life right now, this year is a year of change. It is the year that I try to do something different to change my life better. I try to step out of my comfort zone. In the past, I just focused on studying. There are no activities and no part time technical jobs. But, now, I do a lot of activities. I am a representative of university to be a part of camping to visit and review the Electrical Generating Authority of Thailand’s system. I am also a volunteer, for example, planting trees and painting a school in a countryside. Moreover, I am not only go camping and do a volunteer. But I also start working a technical jobs that I studied. It seems to change my life because I can make a money from that things that I am so proud of and I am also better at studying. Doing a real work is not like learning in the class because there are problems that I have to solve it unpredictably. In addition to recently, my team as a contestant for the Geo-Informatics and Space Technology Development Agency. We do the project by the name of, Environment change detection form satellite images. I do not expect to pass because it is a huge for us and it is a grand contest. But, you know what, we pass final top 20 teams. That is really amazing to me like I said before that this year is the year of change to me.

Finally, I would like to thank you for giving me this opportunity, and it is my pleasure to introduce myself to you all. I am looking for your internship since I was a freshman. You know, I am not good at English but, I know this from upperclassman and I am really interested. So, I prepared myself and it seems work. I promise you that when I have a chance to get this grant, I will devote myself to work as a representative of Thailand to internship aboard as best as I can.

please help me make it correct i have to write it to interviewers.
I want to go internship aboard in Europe or if you have any idea please comment me thanks.
 
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teechar

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Hello krichpas, and thanks for joining the forum. :)
Your letter is quite wordy, but it lacks substance - particularly the first paragraph. You also haven't said anything about the university/course you're applying for!
I suggest you add more concrete details to your letter. You can click the Edit button to do that. Remember to keep your writing clear and simple; unnecessarily complicated writing only frustrates the reader.
 
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