I need someone to proofread my cover letter

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I am a recent graduate student and I am applying for a job as a nurse. This is my cover letter. Please can someone proofread this and tell me if it sounds ok? thanks!!


As a person who went to nursing school after developing a love for helping others while on mission trips in non industrialized countries, I developed a passion for serving those in underserved areas. I admire National Rehabilitation Hospital's commitment to provide the very best rehabilitative care to a diverse group of patients. My interest to join your staff increased when I met with some of the NRH staff during the nursing spectrum career fair in Maryland. I will be graduating with my bachelors in nursing May 2010. I also have a bachelors in science in pre-physical therapy. My educational background has effectively prepared me to begin as a graduate nurse in a rehabilitation hospital.

As my resumé indicates, I have significant experience working in hospitals and medical centers. I completed a summer nurse externship at Howard University Hospital the summer of 2009. While working in the surgical intensive care unit, I learned to provide diligent accurate care under highly stressed situations. With guidance from my preceptor, I performed such nursing duties as IV therapy, blood transfusions, and catheter insertion. This experience has allowed me to increase my nursing skills while also providing a broader base of medical knowledge.

In addition to my nursing skills, I will bring my leadership skills to National Rehabilitation Hospital. I’ve assumed leadership positions as a youth art instructor in various non-profit organizations in Washington, DC. Last school year, I worked at Words, Beats, and Life, an organization providing artistic instruction to DC youth. I developed weekly lesson plans and provided educational activities appropriate to the developmental age of my students. Most recently, I have served my leadership and management preceptorship in the gastrointestinal unit at Kaiser Permanente. With guidance from the nurse manager, I gave a presentation to the staff nurses on nursing responsibilities in delegation.

I believe my excellent communication skills and ability to work well with others will be an asset to your company. I would welcome the opportunity to interview with you and look forward to hearing from you soon. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,
 

billmcd

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Joined
Mar 27, 2009
Member Type
English Teacher
Native Language
English
Home Country
United States
Current Location
United States
Great cover letter. A few minor suggestions. Good Luck!

As a person who went to nursing school after developing a love for helping others while on mission trips in non industrialized countries, I developed a passion for serving those in [STRIKE]underserved[/STRIKE]underpriveleged areas. I admire National Rehabilitation Hospital's commitment to provide the very best rehabilitative care to a diverse group of patients. My interest to join your staff increased when I met with some of the NRH staff during the Nursing Spectrum Career Fair in Maryland (caps). I will be graduating with my Bachelors Degree in Nursing (caps) May 2010. I also have a Bachelors in Science in Pre-physical Therapy. My educational background has effectively prepared me to begin as a graduate nurse in a rehabilitation hospital.

As my resumé indicates, I have significant experience working in hospitals and medical centers. I completed a summer nurse externship at Howard University Hospital the summer of 2009. While working in the surgical intensive care unit, I learned to provide diligent, accurate care under highly stressed (or "stressful"?) situations. With guidance from my preceptor, I performed such nursing duties as IV therapy, blood transfusions, and catheter insertion. This experience has allowed me to increase my nursing skills while also providing a broader base of medical knowledge.

In addition to my nursing skills, I will bring my leadership skills to the National Rehabilitation Hospital. I’ve assumed leadership positions as a youth art instructor in various non-profit organizations in Washington, DC. Last school year, I worked at Words, Beats, and Life (italicize), an organization providing artistic instruction to DC youth. I developed weekly lesson plans and provided educational activities appropriate [STRIKE]to[/STRIKE]for the developmental age of my students. Most recently, I have served my leadership and management preceptorship in the gastrointestinal unit at Kaiser Permanente. With guidance from the nurse manager, I gave a presentation to the staff nurses on nursing responsibilities in delegation.

I believe my excellent communication skills and ability to work well with others will be an asset to your company. I would welcome the opportunity to interview with you and look forward to hearing from you soon. Thank you for your time and consideration.
 

billmcd

Key Member
Joined
Mar 27, 2009
Member Type
English Teacher
Native Language
English
Home Country
United States
Current Location
United States
Sorry. I misread "underserved" as "undeserved" which is why I suggested underpriveleged.
 
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