I remember everything

[kuben123]

I remember everything like it happened just yesterday. We were all poised in our front veranda, sipping away on grandma's old and well-kept secret cinnamon-laced black coffee. Suddenly, all attention was diverted on to me! My unusual behavior was laid down, and I felt like a lab rat ready to be dissected! Scared stiff!

Errors?

 

[Dena11]

Beware of overwriting. Detail is important, but use it sparingly and with intention.

"I remember everything as if it were yesterday. We were sipping Grandma's cinnamon-laced coffee on the veranda when, suddenly, everyone's attention was on me! My unusual behavior was exposed, and I felt like a lab rat ready to be dissected!"
​

The phrase "I remember everything as if it were yesterday" is a bit cliched, perhaps you can find another way to express this.