[Essay] Is freedom of speech necessary in a free society?

[fahad_a11]

Please evaluate my IELTS essay and point out any errors .

Is freedom of speech necessary in a free society?

Being as a part of free society, everyone has right to speak freely regardless of any consequences associated with it. Education and media play an important role in creating awareness among the people of the society and realize them about the power of their words. Some people argue that freedom of speech is not necessary. However, others state that it helps in strengthening rules and regulation of the society. I believe that for the betterment of state offices and to eliminate the wrongdoing of society, people should raise their voice freely.

In most of the cases the problems arise when people did not raise their voice for their legal rights in the society. By doing so, they give chance to their opponent to do whatever they want to do. For example, in Pakistan government has increasing the price of food for the last two years, but nobody was taking any stand against government. Recently, people stood up very strongly when government suddenly increases the petroleum prices. They raised their voice on all national and international media and pressurize their state to rollback their decision about fuel prices immediately.

Secondly, everyone has its own view whether other people like it or not. By giving value to people point of view many things can be improved and run in the way people want.

Finally, according to my point of view, we cannot build better society unless we don’t care about the people opinion. That is why freedom of speech is essential in all permitted societies.

 

[emsr2d2]

Please evaluate ​my IELTS essay and point [STRIKE]our[/STRIKE] out any errors. [STRIKE]and mistakes.[/STRIKE]

I don't have time to look at your essays at the moment but I noticed that all your posts start with the same sentence, which contains errors. Please note my corrections above. It's unnecessary to say "errors and mistakes" - they mean the same thing. Use one or the other.

 

[fahad_a11]

Please help me to improve my writing skills.

 

[emsr2d2]

That's what I tried to do in post #2!

 

[fahad_a11]

i mean please also point out errors in the essay. i wil be very thankful.

 

[emsr2d2]

I mean please also point out errors in the essay. I will be very thankful.

I know what you meant but, as I said in post #2, I don't have time to deal with an entire essay at the moment. You need to remember that we are all volunteers here and we do what we can in our free time. Essays (and most posts in the Editing and Writing Topics section) get much less attention than short questions in the "Ask A Teacher" section.

 

[fahad_a11]

I understand my friend. Actually i am new to english writing, thats why i am trying hard to imrpove my writing.

any how thankyou so much for your support.

keep in touch with your useful comments.

 

[teechar]

[STRIKE] Being as a part of[/STRIKE] In any free society, everyone [STRIKE]has[/STRIKE] should have the right to speak (and express themselves) freely [STRIKE]regardless of[/STRIKE] without worrying about any consequences associated with that. [STRIKE]it.[/STRIKE] Education and the media play an important role in creating awareness among [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] people [STRIKE]of the[/STRIKE] in a society and [STRIKE]realize[/STRIKE] can (effectively) teach them about the power of their words. Some people argue that freedom of speech is not necessary. However, others state that it is an essential constituent of a healthy [STRIKE]helps in strengthening rules and regulation of the[/STRIKE] society. I believe that for the betterment of state [STRIKE]offices[/STRIKE] institutions and to eliminate [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] wrongdoing [STRIKE]of[/STRIKE] in society, people should be free to [STRIKE]raise[/STRIKE] express their views. [STRIKE]their voice freely.[/STRIKE]

In [STRIKE]most of the[/STRIKE] many cases, the problems arises when people [STRIKE]did[/STRIKE] do not raise their voice to assert [STRIKE]for[/STRIKE] their legal rights in a country. [STRIKE]the society.[/STRIKE] By doing so, they give the chance to their opponents to do whatever they want to do. For example, in Pakistan the government has been increasing the price of basic foodstuffs for the last two years, but nobody [STRIKE]was taking[/STRIKE] took any stand against government. Recently, people stood up very strongly when the government suddenly increased [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] petrol [STRIKE]eum[/STRIKE] prices. They raised their voices [STRIKE]on all[/STRIKE] in the national and international media and pressurized the government [STRIKE]ir state[/STRIKE] to roll back their decision about fuel prices immediately.

Secondly, everyone has [STRIKE]its[/STRIKE] their own view whether other people like it or not. By giving value to people's point of view, many things can be improved and run in the way people want.

Finally, according to my point of view, we cannot build a better society [STRIKE]unless[/STRIKE] if we don't care about [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] people's opinions. That is why freedom of speech is essential in all [STRIKE]permitted[/STRIKE] civilized societies.

Note that your second body paragraph is just two lines! that's not acceptable.
Your essay is also missing a conclusion.

 

[fahad_a11]

Thank you so much for your valuable efforts and time. I will try to improve by not making such error you pointed out.

 

[emsr2d2]

I understand. [strike]my friend.[/strike] Actually, I am new to English writing, that's why I am trying hard to [strike]imrpove[/strike] improve my writing.

[STRIKE]any how[/STRIKE]Anyway, thank (space required here) you so much for your support.

Keep in touch with your useful comments.

In each one of my posts, I have shown you corrections to your (lack of) capitalisation. You must capitalise the first letter of every sentence and you must capitalise the word "I" every time you write it. Look at all my posts again, including the corrected quote above, and use correct capitalisation from now on. We like to see that our help and advice are being heeded.

 

[fahad_a11]

Okay. I will be very careful in the future while writing. Once again thank you for your help and support.

 

[Raymott]

Note that your second body paragraph is just two lines! that's not acceptable.

Everyone seems to have their own opinions on how to use paragraphs. If a new paragraph is used to discuss a new idea, and that idea takes only two sentences, what is the solution? Pad it out?
I'm not being argumentative. This has been a real problem for me in university assignments. You have used a new line for your second sentence. I have also used two paragraphs here. A short paragraph is often the best solution where clarity is important, in my opinion.

 

[fahad_a11]

I will not make these mistakes again. I am learnign alot from your suggestions. Thank you so much!!!

 

[teechar]

A short paragraph is often the best solution where clarity is important, in my opinion.

That may be true, but in an IELTS essay I would expect a body paragraph to have at least an opening topic sentence, plus a couple of supporting/example sentences. In any case, the OP's second body paragraph was not clear enough for me to overlook its brevity.

 

[Barb_D]

Note that "a lot" is two words.

As a comment on your content, "freedom of speech" doesn't mean "speech without consequences." It means you won't be arrested by the government. It doesn't mean you won't face social or business consequences.

 

[fahad_a11]

Right, I got it. Thank you so much.