Join sentences using "while"

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I wrote the following sentence in an essay.My teacher said, the part I have highlighted, is not clear. Can someone please tell how it should be corrected.

Essay Topic: Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things. Others,however think that change is a good thing. Discuss.

Due to hectic life styles of people in modern society, people often tend to look at their lives in a financial perspective, while being stuck in doing the same work every day.
 

Gillnetter

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I wrote the following sentence in an essay.My teacher said, the part I have highlighted, is not clear. Can someone please tell how it should be corrected.

Essay Topic: Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things. Others,however think that change is a good thing. Discuss.

Due to hectic life styles of people in modern society, people often tend to look at their lives in a financial perspective, while being stuck in doing the same work every day.
People may look at their lives from a financial perspective but what does being stuck in the same work have to do with the other parts of the sentence?
 
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Hello Gillnetter!

Thank you for the reply.

I just tried to write a starting sentence for the essay. Is it grammatically correct?
 

Raymott

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That's not the way "while" is used to join sentences. It usually doesn't have the usual "while" meaning of "at the same time as".
What it means is "in contrast". Basically it's a introduction to a comparative. For example, "Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things, while others think that change is a good thing."
 
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Hello raymott!
How about using simultaneously instead of while?

Due to hectic life styles of people in modern society, people often tend to look at their lives in a financial perspective, simultaneously doing the same work every day.
 

Raymott

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Hello raymott!
How about using simultaneously instead of while?

Due to hectic life styles of people in modern society, people often tend to look at their lives in a financial perspective, simultaneously doing the same work every day.
You can use "while". I was pointing out that usually when you join sentences with while, it means something different. But you don't need anything. "Due to hectic life styles of people in modern society, people often tend to look at their lives in a financial perspective, doing the same work every day."
But as Gilnetter said, the sentence doesn't make sense. Firstly, people don't adopt financial perspectives due to the hectic lifestyle they have. It's more likely to be the other way around. They live hectic lives because of the financial perspectives they adopt. And there's no relation to doing the same work every day.
 
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