keeps/remains quiet/silent

[Topstudent]

My writing:

A teacher is taking attendance.

Teacher: Ben.

Ben raises his hand. The teacher doesn't look up. He repeats, in a louder voice -

Teacher: BEN.

Ben keeps/remains quiet/silent. The teacher looks up and stares straight at him, demanding a verbal response from him. Ben stares back, then gives in -

Ben: ...Yeah.


Question: Which combination would you find more appropriate here?

 

[SoothingDave]

I like "remains silent."

 

[jutfrank]

The usual collocations are:

keep quiet
remain silent

Your non-spoken sentences are all narrative descriptions of the action. They are not stage directions, and not appropriate for a screenplay. You're mistakenly confusing genres. I think we've told you this several times before. If this is a script, you don't need to say anything at all because the director will work things out.

Decide what you're doing: Are you writing a novel or a screenplay?

 

[Topstudent]

The usual collocations are:

keep quiet
remain silent

Your non-spoken sentences are all narrative descriptions of the action. They are not stage directions, and not appropriate for a screenplay. You're mistakenly confusing genres. I think we've told you this several times before. If this is a script, you don't need to say anything at all because the director will work things out.

Decide what you're doing: Are you writing a novel or a screenplay?

Thanks for your reply, and concern. I'm not saying you're wrong, but that's not exactly what I've learned from the hundreds of articles I've read about scriptwriting. I could probably omit 'He repeats, in a louder voice', but the scene wouldn't make sense if I removed more than that, I think.