Kevin blamed his ignorance

[Bassim]

Do my sentences sound natural? I wrote this text just as an exercise, in one go.

Kevin blamed his ignorance on his upbringing. Both his parents were chronic alcoholics, whose main concern was where to get the next drink rather than their children. There were no books or magazines in the home, and Kevin and his brothers and sisters were practically left to fend for themselves. Already as a child, Kevin felt that something was wrong with his parents but was unable to articulate it because he didn't have much to compare with.

He took the first opportunity to leave them, and after that never wanted to visit them. When they both died one after another in short intervals from alcohol related diseases, Kevin didn't go to their funerals. Although he had not seen them for years, just thinking of them made him furious. He thought they were egoistic and shouldn't have children in the first place. As he talked to other people, he was ashamed of the gaps in his education. They named names, events and places he knew nothing about and couldn't say anything meaningful. He felt humiliated and helpless. Then one day, Kevin set himself a goal of reading a book from cover to cover every week. After a few weeks, he was overjoyed and proud of his achievement. He had discovered a new world, and didn't want to leave it.

 

[Tarheel]

Do my sentences sound natural? I wrote this text just as an exercise, in one go.

Kevin blamed his ignorance on his upbringing. Both his parents were chronic alcoholics, whose main concern was where to get the next drink rather than their children.

Try:

chronic alcoholics whose main concern ....

There were no books or magazines in the home, and Kevin and his brothers and sisters were practically left to fend for themselves. Already as a child, Kevin felt that something was wrong with his parents but was unable to articulate it because he didn't have much to compare it with.

He took the first opportunity to leave them, and after that
he never wanted to visit them. When they both died one after the other in short intervals from alcohol related diseases, Kevin didn't go to their funerals. Although he had not seen them for years, just thinking about them made him furious. He thought they were egoistic and shouldn't have had children in the first place. As he talked to other people, he was ashamed of the gaps in his education. They named names, events and places he knew nothing about and had nothing to say about. He felt humiliated and helpless. Then one day, Kevin set himself a goal of reading a book from cover to cover every week. After a few weeks, he was overjoyed and proud of his achievement. He had discovered a new world, and he didn't want to leave it.

I would say egotistitic rather than egoistic.

 

[Bassim]

Tarheel,
I'd like to ask you regarding "he" you added in my sentences. To my ears, those two sentences are understandable without them, but probably I'm wrong. Both sentences start with "he", so I believe they are redundant in the second parts.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

Tarheel,
I'd like to ask you regarding "he" you added in my sentences. To my ears, those two sentences are understandable without them, but probably I'm wrong. Both sentences start with "he", so I believe they are redundant in the second parts.

The thing is, you had a comma there, indicating that the second clause of a compound sentence would follow it. That second clause needs a subject: "he." If you get rid of the comma, Tarheel can get rid of the "he."

 

[Tdol]

I don't like When they both died one after another . How about when They died a short time apart?