[Grammar] line graf

[Ctrela]

Good afternoon,could Somebody help me to find out there are mistakes or not. I'm not sure the correctness of this sentence.
"Starting with more than 25 thousand dollars in January, the Internet Express slightly declined in June. In Augest, there slight increase and then remained unchanged until December. However, Wi-fi Cafe and Café Cool profit with very lower starting points of 30 dollars and more than 50 dollars respectively experienced fluctuated and had the main tendency to increase up to December."
Thanks in advance

 

[Tarheel]

It's unclear what you are talking about. Profits? Sales? Something else?

Click on Thank if you find my post useful. (There is no need to thank me in advance.)

 

[teechar]

Hello Ctrela, and welcome to the forum.
I agree with Tarheel that you should clarify what you're talking about. Also, it would be helpful if you could post a picture of the graph you're trying to describe. You can click the "Insert Image" button as shown below.

 

[Ctrela]

Also below is an example of my graphic description
"The line graph above illustrates income in 4 different cafes namely The Tea Room, Internet Express, Wi-fi Cafe and Café Cool. Overall, the amount of money earned by The Tea Room showed rapid decline; meanwhile, the figure for Internet Express, Wi-fi Cafe and Café Cool changed gradually from income January to December. Starting with more than 25 thousand dollars in January, the Internet Express slightly declined in June. In Augest, there slight increase and then remained unchanged until December. However, Wi-fi Cafe and Café Cool profit with very lower starting points of 30 dollars and more than 50 dollars respectively experienced fluctuated and had the main tendency to increase up to December. Unlike these two kinds of cafes, the Tea Room with a rather high start in comparison with Café Cool tended to fall and reached its lower point of less than 60 dollars in December."

 

[Raymott]

"The line graph above illustrates income in [STRIKE]4[/STRIKE] four different cafes namely The Tea Room, Internet Express, Wi-fi Cafe and Café Cool. Overall, the amount of money earned by The Tea Room showed rapid decline [from October]; meanwhile, the figures for [STRIKE]Internet Express, Wi-fi Cafe and Café Cool[/STRIKE] the other three cafes changed gradually from[STRIKE] income[/STRIKE] January to December. [They fluctuated up until about September/October, then rose rapidly. Note that the Tea Room also "changed gradually" until October - you haven't even mentioned that the earnings of the others increased, only that they changed.] Starting with more than 25 thousand dollars in January, the Internet Express slightly declined in June. In Augest, there slight increase and then remained unchanged until December [No, it hasn't remained unchanged from August to December]. However, Wi-fi Cafe and Café Cool profit with very lower starting points of 30 thousand dollars and more than 50 thousand dollars respectively experienced fluctuated and had the main tendency to increase up to December. Unlike these two [STRIKE]kinds of[/STRIKE] cafes, the Tea Room with a rather high start in comparison with Café Cool [and the others] tended to fall and reached its lower point of less than 60 thousand dollars in December."

These are only suggestions. Different people notice different things.
You've made quite a few minor grammatical errors as well. My comments are mainly on the content.

 

[Tarheel]

In the business world there are quite a few terms that are not used when talking about individuals. For example, we might use the term "net income" when talking about profits. Another is the term "gross sales", which is income before expenses are deducted. There are several things that can either increase or decrease. You want to especially pay attention to profits. (You can run a business at a loss, but you can't do so indefinitely.)

 

[Ctrela]

Good evening.I have one request, there is some mistake in this sentence, but I can not find it, there are no grammatical errors, but I'm not sure that it is correctly constructed in a logical sense[FONT=&quot]
"However, the tendency Wi-fi Cafe and Café Cool profit with lower starting points of 30 thousand dollars and more than 50 thousand dollars respectively have experienced fluctuate and had the main tendency to increase up to December."
[/FONT]I will be very grateful

 

[teechar]

Good evening. I have one request. There is some mistake in this sentence, but I can not find it. There are no grammatical errors, but I'm not sure that it is correctly constructed in a logical sense.

I don't understand your sentence at all. Try rewriting it using two or more sentences, or bullet points.

 

[Ctrela]

I mean that I'm not sure about the logicality of the proposal that is below.(Sorry for incomprehensibility. Just sometimes I have to use a translator)
However, the tendency Wi-fi Cafe and Café Cool profit with lower starting points of 30 thousand dollars and more than 50 thousand dollars respectively have experienced fluctuate and had the main tendency to increase up to December.

 

[Tarheel]

You seem to want to ignore all the advice people have given you so far. You also want to use words like "tendency" and "fluctuate" even tho they don't fit. You need to write shorter, simpler sentences.

I suggest that you start out by explaining what you are doing. Why are you comparing the earnings from four different cafes? Also, compare January with February and February with March and so forth.

Simplify!

 

[teechar]

Just to clarify, I don't understand the text below.

However, the tendency Wi-fi Cafe and Café Cool profit with lower starting points of 30 thousand dollars and more than 50 thousand dollars respectively have experienced fluctuate and had the main tendency to increase up to December.

 

[Tarheel]

The amount of money earned by X = sales (or "income")

 

[Tarheel]

Is this a class assignment?

 

[Raymott]

I'd say it's a practice for the graph section of the IELTS exam.