Maxim slid off the truck and grabbed his backpack.

[alpacinou]

Is this correct and natural?

Maxim slid off the truck and grabbed his backpack. He trudged through a dense lemon grove, a feast of foliage amid hell. Yet the trees were bereft of fruits, their leaves coated with a thin layer of ash. A southerly breeze brought the acrid smell of gun powder from the village, stinging Maxim's nose. He found the main road leading to the village, lined by rusty wreckage of cars that had been blown up long ago. Entering the village, Maxim stood still, looking around and taking in the cursed place. The village stank of human savagery, all its walls coated with dust and ash. It had become an efficient slaughterhouse after the two sects began fighting one another. Maxim lit up a cigarette, walking towards the river snaking along the valley to the right of the village. The cries of jackals cut the night over the faint murmur of the river. The militias disposed the corpses into the Euphrates. It was as if the muddy water had a reddish tint. The river had become a bloodthirsty snake. Bring me more bodies. Bring me more.
Maxim heard the whine of a bullet flying past him, crashing into a bolder below. He fumbled for his pistol, trying to find cover.

 

[Tarheel]

Is this correct and natural?

Maxim slid off the truck and grabbed his backpack. He trudged through a dense lemon grove, a feast of foliage amid hell. The trees were without fruit, their leaves coated with a thin layer of ash. A southerly breeze brought the acrid smell of gunpowder from the village, stinging Maxim's nose. He found the main road leading to the village, lined by the rusty wreckage of cars that had been blown up long ago. Entering the village, Maxim stood still, looking around and taking in the cursed place. The village stank of human savagery, all its walls coated with dust and ash. It had become a slaughterhouse after the two sects began fighting each other. Maxim lit a cigarette, walking towards the river snaking along the valley to the right of the village. The cries of jackals pierced the night over the faint murmur of the river. The militias disposed the corpses into the Euphrates. It was as if the muddy water had a reddish tint. The river had become a bloodthirsty snake. Bring me more bodies. Bring me more.

Maxim heard the whine of a bullet flying past him, crashing into a boulder below. He fumbled for his pistol, trying to find cover.

My suggestions.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

Good stuff. Two things:

- Feast is fine if you're aiming at irony. If you're not, you might use a less inviting word.

It's not as if the water had a reddish tint. It did have a reddish tint.